drunkenly staggering

to state the obvious

2010-03-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I just wanted to let those who read this know officially that I am going to stop stressing about this blog. That is a little dramatic, but I sometimes feel bad that I am not as devoted to writing my thoughts on here as I imagined...you know before I was actually married and had a baby.

I really love blogging, but the things on my mind other than my family are jumbled and not well educated thoughts. And I think I want to process them with my husband, house church family, and friends...not in writing. Plus I have a really good thing going in writing letters to Campbell and feel inspired in my storytelling on her blog.

When I started this blog I wanted it to be vivid and real...but our first year of marriage rocked in spite of a surprise pregnancy and how much I hated being pregnant. I happened to marry a wonderful man who communicates beautifully. We have had and continue to have hard and trying moments, but there is nothing shocking about our lives. And I don't want to write sweet, sappy posts that make people gag. Which is what I am afraid would happen if I wrote on here on a regular basis.

This life God has given me is not what I expected at all, I never realized that being married could be joyful, fun, challenging, and growing. Micah is the first relationship I have been in that has brought out the best in me. It's wonderful. I love how refining (not always a fun process) yet content this life is.

I also want to state that I do not believe being a wife and mother to be a ministry. They are definitely a calling and God calls us to love Him first, our spouses second, and our children third. But He does not call us to throw away our gifts and talents to serve our family. Instead, I believe, He asks us to unite as a family for His kingdom.

The saddest part of ending this blog, for me, is the idea of ending the sharing of ministries that inspire me. Though I haven't used this blog to do that for a very long time. Hence why I am stopping posting.

If you want to know what is going on in our family, the story of how Micah and I came to be, how Campbell came to be, or the hearts of us, please check out Dear Campbell,. To keep up to date on micahbellphotography, you can visit the website or the blog. :)

Love, Carter

Giving credit where it is due...

2010-03-15T12:18:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine recently (as in today) found out he got an orthopaedic residency he submitted to God years ago. When I wrote him to congratulate him, I also thanked him for crediting God. He responded by telling me that he sacrificed monetarily in taking an internship at the Mayo Clinic (aka he didn't make a dime this year) in order to pursue his dream AND had very few interviews compared to his peers. Every step of his journey required him to live on faith that God will provide, which He did.

While this 10 minute e mail exchange occurred, Campbell was sitting next to me on the bed. As I looked at her, I thought about how God knew exactly what He was doing...He gave Micah and myself a perfect daughter for us. We can try to credit that we are amazing parents, but that is so untrue...we don't have a clue what we are doing! We know that we love each other, love her, and pray a ton. But Campbell is perfect...not always easy, but most definitely perfect.

And Campbell couldn't have come if Micah and I hadn't reconnected with each other and had our whirlwind romance. The past few months have definitely tested us, but we are managing with the Lord's help. As we strip away the emotional and material clutter in our lives, we have started coming back to the heart of God and His desire for us. We become more peaceful with what our future holds. We trust that we will be able to live off of a teacher's salary and don't consider much what the photography business will bring in financially. We just know that Micah will get to spend more time with our beautiful daughter, make his own work schedule, and truly love what he is doing.

So, it is time to truly give credit where credit is due.

Thank you, Lord, for orchestrating this beautiful path you created for us, the Bell family. We thank you for teaching us how to love each other and providing Jesus as an example of how to truly live. We pray that we continue to strip away the distractions that keep us from you and continue to walk toward the cross, Lord. We pray that Campbell grows knowing your love as it pours through us. We ask that you continue to show us how to simplify this life and live into the purpose you have provided. Please continue to reveal the desires You have for our family. Thank you for the community that so openly and unabashedly loves us. Thank you for the cultures that surround us, for creating us uniquely and in your image. We pray that we continue to respect and love our neighbors as we pursue justice and righteousness for all of Your children. Thank You, Lord, for Your word and all it teaches us. Thank You, thank You, thank You.

peace.

Growing Old

2010-03-04T10:40:00.000-08:00

I found out yesterday the lump in my grandmother's breast is cancer. My grandma is a very special person to me and I credit much of who I am today to her involvement in my life. So it makes me sad to think that she is going through this, among the other health ailments in her life.

I was talking to my grandma on the phone the other day and she was really struggling to hear me. She kept asking me if I was keeping the phone close to my mouth (I was). After talking about her inability to hear me for a few moments, she confessed to me that she had been given a hearing aid and didn't like it.

Both of these events have reminded me of Ecclesiastes 12 and were reinforced when I was talking to my mom yesterday. When telling me about my grandmother's cancer, my mom told me she once heard that if you live long enough you'll get cancer.

I don't understand quite if it was God's intention for people to develop cancer over time, but I find it very intriguing how our bodies deteriorate. For a long time I've been determined to be someone who doesn't have to rely on many, many different medicines as I grow older.

I don't want to turn my grandma's struggles into being all about me, but they definitely reinforced this desire deep within my being. Especially since breast cancer is now present on both sides of my family. I want to be healthy for my children and there are preventative measures, so I might as well follow them.

peace.

Ecclesiastes 12

¹ Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
"I find no pleasure in them"-

² before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;

³ when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;

⁴ when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when men rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;

⁵ when men are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags himself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then man goes to his eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.

⁶ Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
or the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
or the wheel broken at the well,

⁷ and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

Simplification

2010-03-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

So, the Lent resolution to live a more simple lifestyle is a lot harder than I anticipated. I figured we would just stop eating out, spend less money, and get rid of stuff. But....life doesn't always go like planned.

What we've learned is that before we can simplify our lives by communicating more and supporting each other.

February was a HARD month for me...my antidepressants didn't seem to be working and Micah seemed to be needing more support in regards to micahbellphotography. I wanted so badly to be a great and supporting wife that I didn't know how to tell Micah what I needed. Plus I made a few financial missteps along the way, which is hard on some of our financial goals.

So far we've made one positive step on the path to simplicity. For the past 4 of 5 days we've gotten up early to get housework done. It's been amazing to start the day together and know that our evenings are free to play with Campbell, spend time together, and give Micah complete freedom to do whatever needs to be done for the photography business.

So, while it doesn't look at all like I thought it would, we are on our way!

peace.

PS Campbell has started doing some really fun things recently, you can check them out at Dear Campbell,.

Lent

2010-02-16T14:17:00.000-08:00

I had a good friend in college who taught me tons about the season of Lent. One of those was a very thoughtful approach to the typical parts of the season. She would either add something to her life (like volunteering on a regular basis, fasting lunch, etc) OR she would be gracious in sacrifice. For example, she wouldn't give up chocolate, but instead she would put a dollar in a jar every time she ate it. She would then donate the money.

I like her approach. Last year we decided that eating out was bad for our pocket book, waistline (well, I was pregnant, but you know what I mean), and time together. We had starting lacking the creativity to create a healthy dinner rhythm.

Originally we were going to buy and eat local for Lent. I still really like this idea, but I don't know if we truly have the time and resources to do this fully. Micah likes the idea of not eating out anymore, but I feel like that has been done and I want a challenge. Especially because we ended up just buying lots of expensive pre-made meals at the Fresh Market.

So instead we are going totally generic for Lent. We recently attended a Training and Equipping at Common Ground and participated in a track about family rhythm. What we know about how we'd like our rhythm to be is that we desire to be a family that serves and loves the nations, we are social justice oriented, and we desire a simple life. So this year we are going to explore what is means to live simply.

What does a simple dinner look like? Or a simple weeknight? What if we had spaghetti and played a card game instead of multiple food items and TV in the evening? Where can we cut back in our spending? What does it look like to eat food without processed ingredients? Can we rid ourselves of this clutter? Does buying furniture for Micah's business count as living more simply?

So, this year we are going to approach our lifestyle head on and, hopefully, start the foundation for how we raise our family for years to come...

peace.

Thoughts

2010-02-10T05:42:00.001-08:00

Well, we are finally *almost* all better. Campbell has been given a complete clean bill of health and we were told that she is perfect. (As if we didn't know this already!) I'm about about 85% and Micah is probably at 80%. So we definitely are well enough to resume regular duties with the occasional nap here and there.

I've been feeling like most of my conversations with people include a sentence beginning with "That's actually something I've been thinking about lately...blah." I feel like I have all these thoughts swimming in my brain and if I just read my Bible I might get some answers. Not that scripture is some magic formula, but I do believe that getting to know my Creator and hearing Jesus' words to be enlightening and telling.

Some of the thoughts that have been circling are:

Would I have less conflict in my life if I stopped telling people how I feel? Would that really make life better?

Is it really OK to pledge allegiance to the flag?

I really wish Christians wouldn't give Jesus such a bad rap...especially the missionaries from Idaho. I wonder if I am giving Jesus a bad name...

How can I be a productive and proactive member of house church when it is so hard to get there?

I want another mom to pour into me and show me how to be a woman of God, a wife, and a mother gracefully.

I want to read my Bible, but I can't decide what to read.

How exactly does the brain develop? How does this impact learning disabilities, disorders, and emotional health? If brain development truly is the cause of any of these, can you outgrow depression or autism?

Why do I just want to lay around and watch TV all day?

If it would be such a minimal sacrifice of $ (if all people above the poverty line gave some), why do people still live without clean water?

How can evolution and creation co-exist? AND it is so sad to me that, more than likely, humans began their walk on this earth on the continent of Africa yet it is such a place of devastation. (I can blame PBS' NOVA for this one.)

Anyway....please don't answer any of these questions. Thanks.

peace.

How you doin'?

2010-01-27T17:50:00.000-08:00

We aren't doin' so well in the Bell household...

3 ears are infected, 2 sinus infections, 2 upper-respiratory infections, and a case of bronchitis all within a week!

I think Campbell sums it up best in her 6 month picture:

love, the Bells

Juno and Love

2010-01-13T17:48:00.001-08:00

The first movie Micah and I saw together in a theater was Juno. Something unexplainable happened while we were watching it and created a special bond between the two of us and the movie.

When we first saw the movie we were the kind of in love that involved butterflies and giddy hand holding. Our eyes were tired from late night talks and our faces were tired from constantly smiling.

It has been about 2 years since we saw Juno in the theater and Micah put it on in the background as we settled in from our trip to Nashville today. (Spoiler alert) When the scene where Vanessa meets her son for the first time was on the screen, Micah said, "I always get teary at this part." I answered with a sob in my throat, "Me too."

It was then that he got up from the computer to come sit next to me as we watched the last 10 minutes of the movie squeezed onto our couch with his arm around me. The experience was very different than the first time we saw it in the theater.

Life has become wonderfully comfortable. The butterflies have been replaced with a deep love ingrained into every fiber in my body. I am starting to understand the term "one flesh."

I still have the butterflies from time to time . . . when Micah comes in from a long day at work . . . when I see him singing to Campbell . . . experiencing the love and devotion he has for his family . . . but our love has grown since the theater two years ago.

This life is pretty wonderful.

peace.

100

2010-01-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

For this monumental occasion, in that this is the 100th post, I would like to tackle a sticky subject.

Eh, I was thinking about writing on submission, but I'm in Tennessee with Micah and baby c. I'm tired, C is whiney, and I don't really feel like putting effort into writing anything deep. So I'll just say this.

Submission is good. I highly recommend it. Especially when you have a rocking hubby like myself.

peace.

2009 Recap

2009-12-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

I've been having such a good time writing letters to Campbell that I have kind of neglected this blog a bit. My guess is that I will start using it less and less frequently. Which is OK. Maybe a resolution can be to write in it monthly or so.

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately. I really miss the days of really taking the time to thoughtfully organize my thoughts and challenge my beliefs. There have been moments of that recently, for which I am incredibly thankful, and hopefully they will become more and more frequent to eventually encompass days and weeks.

But I digress . . . here are some of the highlights from this past year.

Experiencing the craziness of pregnancy hormones, all the while knowing that I am loved by my husband.
Crawling on the floor of Target in an attempt to get Chunky Monkey ice cream.
Celebrating our first year of marriage a week early because we thought Little Miss Bell was on her way (when she didn't come until 2 weeks later).
Finding Elmer a great new home.
Gradually becoming more interesting.
And, of course, meeting our beautiful daughter! You can read more about that at Dear Campbell. :)

peace.

Thankful

2009-11-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

I've been spending most of my blogging time writing letters to Campbell since she seems to be taking up a larger part of this life now-a-days. But I wanted to take a second to write about this past year and give thanks.

The past two years of this life have been altering to put it mildly. Micah and I started "facebooking" about this time 2 years ago, we soon started dating, got engaged, got married, got pregnant, and became physical parents all within 20 months. We are now starting to relatively settle in...

And I am thankful.

I am thankful for an amazing husband. He loves being a husband and father. I love that he is passionate about Jesus, family, and being a photographer. I love that he and I were on the same page and willing to sacrifice financially so he could stay home. (Which has been amazing for his relationship with Campbell AND our marriage.)

I am thankful for an amazing daughter. She is hilarious, fun, and absolutely the most chill girl I know. I love getting to know her and seeing her personality develop. I love getting to teach her that we are always here for her and comforting her. I love reading to her and starting to teach her about Jesus and other nations at such a young age.

I am thankful for a heart that sings to be a mother. I am thankful Campbell will be a big sister (someday) and for being one flesh with a man who has a desire to give the lonely a family.

I am thankful for my quirky and loving family, as well as my amazing in-laws who love us so adequately.

I am thankful to my friend Becky for giving Elmer such a wonderful home.

I am thankful to my community at School 91. I have an amazing job and am blessed to be living into God's desires. I love my students and the staff. I appreciate an administration that allows me to stay home part time this year as well as a great job share partner.

I am thankful to be a part of a great church family and house church. Common Ground constantly challenges me to grow in my faith, encourages me to seek the Lord, and teaches me more and more about what it means to follow Jesus. My house church keeps me in check, loves me when it is both easy and difficult, and provides me with accountability and friendship.

I am thankful for friends to read books with and live life with.

I am thankful that God is faithful and persistent. I am thankful He whispers that he loves and misses me in my ear and that He is pursuing me.

I am thankful for Jesus' life on this earth and the legacy He has left for us. I am thankful I have an opportunity to follow in His footsteps and I pray that my heart continues to form to His.

May you recognize many thanks in this season. And may God's blessings be upon you.

peace.

Get out the VOTE!

2009-11-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

Campbell is a finalist in a Halloween photo contest! If you would please go vote for her here:

http://murraycrew.blogspot.com/2009/11/4tunate-halloween-photo-contest-top-5.html

it would be MUCH appreciated!

peace,
Carter

quick update

2009-11-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

So, it's almost midnight here on Kingsley Drive and I promised Micah I would stay up with him while he finishes a proof book for a client. He didn't ask me to stay up with him, I just knew it would be another way I can support him. He is an amazing man and wonderful photographer. I don't know if it is possible for a woman to be more proud of her husband than I am of him. It is my joy to stay up with him...to show my love and support of him, but also it gave me a chance to write my first entry in our new blog!

dearcampbell.wordpress.com

I've always wanted to have some kind of clever niche to blogging...for a while I thought I would incorporate the phrase "drunkenly staggering," or at the very least "staggering," into every post. But, alas, I couldn't smoothly make that happen.

But I discovered I like writing Campbell letters.

We will still maintain this blog, but my hope is to turn it back into something a little reminiscent of previous blogs...something to share our thoughts, and not just the day to day and statistics of our absolutely perfect daughter. :)

See, she's pretty perfect.

So anyway, check out dearcampbell.wordpress.com and check back in here sometimes as well.

peace.

3 months

2009-10-21T10:13:00.001-07:00

Dear Campbell,

In true Bell fashion this letter to you is late. You turned 3 months old on Monday. Three months of our lives have been filled with your snorting, wiggling, crying, smiling, and pooping. Three months of our lives have only given us a fluttering notion of how you will change us.

You are the most precious gift God has given us. You have taught us so much about love and given us a glimpse of how God must love His children. Never would I have imagined the feelings I get when looking at you. It's like my heart is about to jump through my chest.

You've gotten too big for Daddy to toss you in the air. I swore I would never let myself forget how tiny you started, but it's already starting to fade. I just do my best to remember how it felt to have you fall asleep on me since you are no longer content snuggling.

You love to see the world and are always checking out your surroundings. You love looking at the fan above our bed, watching Dinosaur Train (much to Daddy's pleasure) on PBS, following the dogs while they play, and staring at pictures in books as we read to you. You love when Daddy reads you Cat in the Hat or when Mommy talks about the pictures in Eric Carle's Animals.

More often than not you are happy. You have the best, gummy smile and laugh at all our silly songs and voices.

I miss the days of cuddling, but love the baby you are becoming!

Love you, baby Campbell!

on being interesting

2009-09-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

So Micah and I have been talking quite a bit about my post on being interesting. Micah has been so incredibly supportive about how I'm feeling...he is just an amazing husband, father, and man.

Our house church makes sack lunches for the Pourhouse (www.pourhouse.org) on the 4th Sunday of every month. We've been doing this for a year or so and our amazing friends the Wilsmans decided it was time that we partake in community with the people we serve once a month.

I was having a particularly difficult day on Sunday and feeling very anxious. I had been trying to get out of serving meals with the hopes of sitting around and watching TV, but Micah thought about my pleas and determined that we would go serve meals because "it would make me more interesting."

He was right.

We took the cutest crying baby ever (other people's words, not mine) and went down to the veterans memorial in downtown Indy. We strapped her onto myself with the Baby Bjorn and let Campbell work her magic!

Babies are the best conversation starter ever. All we had to do was stand in front of the steps where people were sitting and waiting for their meal and James came to us. He fawned over our darling girl for a few moment and then we started talking. He and Micah hit is off pretty well and I struck up a conversation with a couple walking by. Well, actually they approached us with the question, "Is this baby homeless?" :)

We met lots of people...a woman and her boyfriend who had been trying to get pregnant for years and were now past their first trimester, a man reading Plato for leisurely reading, a father who had a wallet full of pictures of his children and could not be more proud...and we loved them to the best of our abilities. Campbell smiled and cooed and worked her charm. We did our best to not judge, but to care and show respect.

It's difficult, but we strive. We love. We do our best to turn to Jesus and just be.

peace.

pictures

2009-09-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures taken recently. (Spoiler: the final picture is NOT for the faint of heart...) The first picture is Micah reading to Campbell! She loves being read to and has started "reading" back to us!

Check out her double chin and first pair of jeans! She looks like such a big girl! I get teary eyed about how quickly she is growing! I remember scoffing at a person who was dropping off their daughter in the nursery and tearing up because her daughter was 6 months old, but now I totally understand! I am so thankful that I get to be home so much in Campbell's first year of life!

This is a (blurry) shot of the pouting game she loves so much! About one second after this picture was taken she smiled at me.

And now for the gross picture...seriously, if you can't handle poo scroll away now!

(Pardon the baby bottom...)

This is Campbell's finest masterpiece. She did this for us a few weeks ago...hard to believe that tiny bottom can cause such a mess! But, oh! She is a pro!

I believe this happened around 5:30 in the morning. I was changing her diaper inbetween sides when I noticed something on her bottom. It looked like part of a wipe had gotten caught between her cheeks. When I went to wipe it off, she shot poo not only all over the changing table but all over my hand and arm! I screamed and Micah came running. He manned holding her legs while I went to wash my hand. Then I heard him shout! I came running back to this...she had sprayed not only onto the receiving blanket, but also on the side of the shelving unit...amazing.

Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

peace.

Cars, Coffee, and Campbell

2009-09-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

*My car may officially be retired. It's true. I'm pretty disappointed in Nissan. My 2000 Altima only had 120,000 miles on it. Seriously? When did properly maintained cars only start lasting 10 years? That's pretty pathetic. Another "Seriously?" Why do people think they can charge $2000 for cars from the '80's? Though I did find a woody wagon that hold 9 people that was pretty exciting.

*We probably won't get another car until January. Woot for the one car family! Kind of... Parts of me are excited. It's a chance to really clean and organize the house (instead of moving our mess from room to room). It's an opportunity to read the Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics (laugh all you want, Joss Whedon is a genius!) that Micah got me for Christmas last year. I can hone my photography skills on our beautiful daughter. I can start the Bible study I bought and planned to do over the summer. I can bake! I can rediscover some of the parts of myself that I miss. Micah even mentioned starting to put documentaries back onto the Blockbuster queue.

*I am going to start running a FREE coffee house from our home. Not really anything fancy, but I'm excited none the less. People who come by to visit will have many choices of tea, chai, hot chocolate, and freshly pressed coffee to choose from. Plus it will be a good way to unload my baked goods and show off a clean and charming (but probably slightly disorganized) home.

*We will save a few bucks by only having one car to put gas into and pay insurance on...insurance south of 52nd St. in Indy is kind of expensive.

*Campbell has started pouting. It's hilarious. Today she would laugh and follow it up with a pout. Then I would say her name and she would look at me and smile. I don't know if she is playing or just forgets why she is pouting when I say her name, but either way it's hilarious. And a good indicator that at a mere 2 months she is learning to work the system.

*peace.

connection

2009-09-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

i am typing this with campbell in the crook of my left arm. she is babbling, discovering her hands (by putting them obsessively into her mouth), and occasionally throwing a fit. her temp. has been 99.7 the past 24 hours, so not on the definite fever side, but still higher than normal. i'm just waiting for the tylenol to do its thang.

i ran across my old blog yesterday. my first thought when reading some of the entries was, "i used to be so interesting!" there was something very sobering about that being my initial reaction. why don't i feel interesting anymore? i'm essentially the same person i was...though my packaging is slightly different than it used to be. having a baby changes your body quite a bit.

i used to be so connected. and i miss it. i used to spend hours pouring over music on itunes and at luna and the library. i knew the indie underground. i went to concerts. i had opinions, and most importantly i could support those opinions.

i knew what was going on in east africa. i read the bbc news website. i listened to npr. i was an advocate and strove to give the voiceless a voice. i dreamt of having a little rainbow family.

i went to the y and out to coffee with friends. i went to my students' performances outside of school.

i found great joy in trying to live as minimally as possible. i pined for Jesus to tell me to sell everything so i could follow him. i wanted to quit my job and live in a pop up trailer so i could travel and love people like Jesus. i was so connected to my faith.

now all i hear from God is "I miss you."

i really want to finish this post with something sweet like: but with my sweet girl sleeping in the crook of my left arm i wouldn't trade this for anything.

but it's not true. i love micah and firmly believe he is the most amazing gift from God. i love my daughter, she's amazing. but i miss being connected to the Lord. i miss being advocate. i miss having conversations with people and being passionate.

but i am grateful for this little life. i miss the life i was living in my old blog, but i am still thankful. my hope is just that i become interesting again.

peace.

Our BIG girl!

2009-09-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

Our baby girl is getting SO BIG! I seriously can't believe how much she is a full fledged baby now and not a teeny newborn anymore! She holds her head up on her own, she laughs and smiles a ton, and she loves to "talk."

These are all huge rewards for me! I love Campbell, but the first 6 weeks were tough. Lots of tears from both of us...on top of her fits (plus a couple of my own). So it is amazing to have some kind of response from her other than a nap. She is starting to respond and be teachable in a way that is apparent.

We had her 2 month appointment today. :) She was 11 pounds, 14 ounces and 24.5 inches long! That puts her in the 70th percentile for weight and 90th (!!) percentile for height! She has outgrown most of her 3 month clothing, so we have already had to switch her into 6 month clothes! I can't wait for her grandparents to see her next week! If I am able to see how big she has gotten, they will really notice.

Below is a photo we took when she was just 10 (or so) days old...she was so tiny then... :)

peace.

marriage

2009-09-18T08:27:00.001-07:00

When most people get married I expect their first thought isn't "when will we get divorced?" Really, while we all know divorce exists most think they are exempt.

My parents divorced when I was in high school then got remarried 2 years ago. My dad was married to my sisters' mom before that. My brother is in the midst of a divorce that is crazier than a soap opera. And, recently, I have found that a handful of my friends are in the midst of divorces themselves.

And it's my friends' divorces that have hit home. The divorces in my family were evident in their coming. But the divorces in my friends' lives have caught me a bit off guard. Especially since they still love their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

I am not writing this to judge, not in the least bit, but to realize that life is fleeting. And no matter how much Micah and I say that divorce isn't an option (which we firmly believe), marriage is work. Regardless of how blissful it is currently, any moment can be invading in the destruction of this bliss.

Doom and gloom aside, I write this as a reminder that Micah and I need keep the communication open and honest. We must continue to share ourselves with each other-emotionally, intellectually, physically. This is made none easier by our beautiful daughter. We must cloak ourselves in prayer and not to forget to pray together. We are not immune.

We work really hard to have an easy marriage. :)

peace.

This is the life...

2009-09-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

God is good. Actually, way better than good...

Campbell is just beautiful. (I've been trying to post pictures, but it hasn't been working, silly blogger.) Her doctor took me off all milk and milk products and she turned into this happy, smiley, independent baby. She loves to hang in her swing, she smiles and "talks." She actually played in her crib for an hour the other day while I slept in until 9:20! She's a perfect little baby.

Her new appreciation of the swing has allowed me to visit a past love-baking! Our kitchen doesn't allow extravagant adventures, but it is just nice to mix things and use the oven again. I've made a cake (with homemade icing!), brownies, and am making a dinner for a family today (breakfast for dinner!).

Finally, what makes this the life is how much other people love Campbell. Especially one little Moses.

Moses is our friends, the Brileys (thebrileys.blogspot.com), little boy. He is almost a year old and is about the cutest baby EVER. Julie is an amazing mom and has taught him so much, including how to kiss. :) He will pucker up his lips if he wants a kiss, it is adorable.

Last night at house church, Moses really wanted our friend Jillian (inhislovehewillbesilent.blogspot.com) to kiss him, but we were trying to get him to crawl to her for a kiss. Micah handed me Campbell during this, and Moses crawled over to baby Campbell and puckered his lips! I put her on the floor and he leaned in and kissed her cheek! It was super cute and I hope to get a picture of it someday.

Daddy is sad he missed seeing Campbell get her first kiss from a boy. But he also has decided Moses is the only boy (other than himself) who can kiss Campbell-and only on the cheek. Any other boy needs to wait until she is 24.

peace.

baby steps

2009-09-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Don't let the title of this blog mislead you...Campbell may be advanced in our eyes, but she isn't walking just yet. (Though, if she is mad, you can hold her up and she will mimic the motion of walking...it's kind of freaky but totally normal, according to the baby books Micah reads at least.)

I am taking baby steps.

We left her with a bottle with Grammie and Grampa last weekend and went on a date. We went to the outlets and bought Micah a wedding photographer outfit (he has 2 wedding in the next month!) and then we went to dinner-where the restaurant had decided to change their amazing deep-fried breadsticks to mediocre oven baked ones. Afterwards we tried to do lots of things that were closed because we were in Angola, Indiana where nothing is open past 9.

But it didn't matter, because we were by ourselves for 4 glorious hours.

And we were ready to see her again by the end of those 4 hours.

When we left the house, I kissed her and told her that mommy and daddy need to just leave and be by themselves sometimes so we can be better parents for her.

I am taking baby steps.

We left her in the nursery today at church. She may be the youngest baby to have ever be dropped off in the nursery. But Micah was ready and I was pretty ready. I only had to go check on her once. And she was asleep when I did.

While in the nursery, her friend Moses Briley scooted to her to say "hi!" We know Moses from house church. I am happy she has such a good friend at only 8 weeks old! After she and Moses interacted a bit, she fell asleep.

While Campbell was in the nursery, Micah and I had the best worship experience we've had in lots of months. It was so amazing. And as hard as it was to leave her in very capable, kind hands, it was wonderful to sit in the front row again and be engaged in worship and teaching.

I am taking baby steps.

peace.

Oh! What a day it has been!

2009-08-26T14:03:00.001-07:00

We all know that Campbell is a fussy, fussy baby. And we all know that she is loved dearly by anyone who meets her. Yesterday I had my first experience of inconsolable crying in public while at the library (of all places). Today I had my second experience.

She woke up upset this morning and the past week or so, her crying has made it difficult for her to eat. So after struggling to feed her, I thought a car ride/trip to Target to get "Gripe Water" may be the best thing to do for her.

I was wrong. She screamed in Target for 20 minutes. She only stopped when I took her out of her car seat. I held her while pushing a cart with my hips. As soon as I put her back in the car seat she started up again. I was then approached by no less than 4 people and got evil glares from one more.

She stayed up through two more feedings. When she fell asleep, I decided to nap. While laying down, I touched my ear and found a brown, hairy SPIDER in it! I couldn't take a nap after that (and am still a bit fearful the spider laid eggs in my ear), so I decided to eat lunch. On the way to the kitchen, I checked the mailbox.

In doing this I learned that if I don't close the door fully Elmer can open it. So he took off, Inu followed shortly after.

By this time it had been 3 hours since Campbell had eaten and she was sleeping. So I woke her up, resulting in more crying, put her in the Baby Bjorn, and started trekking through the neighborhood. Elmer ran ahead of me the entire time, but I couldn't find Inu.

I came back to the house, fed Campbell, put her in the car seat, and took off to find Inu again. I drove around for 20 minutes and was taking a pass by the house when I saw her sitting on the front porch. She was disgusting. She still is disgusting.

It's been a day. I'm exhausted.

peace.

A case of the fussies

2009-08-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

Campbell experience life fully. She soaks in naps (preferably on mommy or daddy's chest) and sleeps for long periods of time. It is practically medieval torture to wake her from sleeping. No amount of tickling, tossing, cold wash clothes, and blowing air into her face will sufficiently wake her.

She loves to eat, but still prefers sleep.

She feels pain...not because we inflict upon her, but just in general. She can scream with the best of them and has recently started screaming to a point that no sound is released. Her faces scrunches and turns tomato red...it looks painful and practically gives me a headache watching her.

But on Sunday she showed us that she experiences other things too...she laughed at daddy. It was one quick giggle, but it was enough. She has since given me many super smiley moments. She is definitely capable of experience and exhibiting joy.

She also has started showing affection. As she has gained head control she will lift her head and study our faces then bury her head in our chest. It could be from tired muscles or it could be that she loves us. I prefer to believe the latter.

peace.

The big ONE!

2009-08-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

Campbell is one month today!

The last month has brought forth the following:

*comparisons of labor to terrorism (ask Micah)
*an amazingly speedy recovery from giving birth
*Carter losing 30 pounds (still have 20 to go, 35 'til my goal weight) and Micah gaining 5 (the hospital food was amazing)!
*suspecting colic
*the screaming going from up to 11 hours a day to just a few instances per day in the period of 2 weeks
*odd feelings when driving a car
*odd feelings when driving a car without a car seat
*only almost forgetting to bring her with me once
*realizing that school has started and that I'm not there
*many annoyances from the dogs (anyone want Elmer?)
*lots of cuddling
*lots of laughing at our very noisy when eating, burping, or stinkering little girl
*lots of relearning to be husband and wife with a little baby

Seriously, though, I don't think I ever realized how hard it would be to be both a wife and a mother. I strongly believe that God calls mothers to first be a wife, that in the pyramid of family God is first, spouses are second, and children are third. And it's hard. It's hard to not become overwhelmed by both the good and challenge of Campbell. Micah was, is, and will always be first...as I stagger in trying to figure out how to maintain that I often forget that is God's intention and it is He who will make it a reality. I just happen to be blessed by a wonderful, patient, and understanding husband in the process.

Also, I never realized how much I adore my job...and while I am treasuring my time with Campbell, I miss the children and miss teaching music. It is eye opening as to how blessed we are as a couple...it's a very challenging fairy tale life I am abundantly blessed to live.

peace.

a stubborn girl

2009-08-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Campbell is one of the most willful people I have ever met. It makes sense being that she is from Micah and me and we are both stuck in our ways, to put it nicely. (As a side note, we have learned how to be married and stubborn...and are still working through the kinks.)

Last night she woke up around 3:45 to eat. We got back to bed around 4:10. I like to listen to make sure she is settled in before I succumb to the waves of exhaustion calling me back to sleep. I had to work hard to stay up while she got settled last night because the process wasn't complete until around 4:45.

You see, Campbell is particular about where her feet point when she sleeps. And if I'm not paying close attention I will lay her length wise in the bassinet, even though she likes to sleep width wise.

She spent 35 minutes last night turning herself a quarter turn before we both had permission to welcome the sleep that was gently calling our names.

peace.

2009-08-07T19:21:00.001-07:00

But before I update you on Campbell, a big congrats to our friends Bret and Erin Hawkins who have just endured the LONGEST pregnancy EVER and will be bringing home their daughter Grace Min Wei Hawkins from China on Saturday! They've been pursuing her for 4 years and finally have their daughter! You can read more athttp://bretanderin.blogspot.com/

(And I thought 9 months was long suffering!)

Campbell has been in the real, live world for 2 weeks and 3 days now...instead of eloquently trying to update you on her life, our lives, the dogs, and general observations, I am going to do a point by point of whatever I can think of to write while I wait for her to wake up for her next feeding.

*I feel like I understand little parts of God more now. I have a better grasp of what it means to love in all circumstances-be it the smiles or the screams...as well as what it means to have the past wiped from your memory, much as I imagine what is meant when Biblical writers speak of God forgetting our past transgressions. As soon as Campbell was born, one of my first thoughts was that I would bear another child again in a heartbeat! This is similar to how I feel after a monster of a screaming fit...the fit could last (and have) up to 4 hours, but a soon as it is over I am consumed with love for Campbell. I forget how long the hours seemed and am brought right back to the moment of having my sweet girl snuggling on my chest.

*Campbell is a great eater, she gained 14 ounces in 8 days...and grew an inch! And one of the best parts is that when she is searching for her food source she snorts like a pig. Seriously, I feel like I am in "A Christmas Story" where the mom is telling her son to show her how a little piggy eats! Campbell is a little piggy.

*Being a mother is infinitely more difficult than I ever imagined; but as in all challenges, it is also infinitely more rewarding.

*I am blessed with amazing family and friends who love deeply.

*Nursing is a lot like boxing...I have ointment to treat the wounds, Micah feeds me water while my hands are tied, and when I get up from the rocking chair it hits the metal lamp a lot like a bell. And every once in a while, a cold wash cloth is needed...

*Campbell sleeps amazingly well in the night most of the time. We have had nights where there has only been one interruption and Campbell sleeps up to 5 hour stretches. I believe this makes up for her refusal to take a morning nap and only taking a shortened evening nap.

*Books make things sound easy. I never guessed that nursing could be one inch short of medieval torture. Or that getting a routine would require so much effort. Or teaching a baby to sleep in a crib would be so heart wrenching. I am all about the tough love as a teacher, but even I have my limits as to how long I can listen to Campbell scream (not cry, but exorcist scream) before I have to get her! All I've realized I can do is take it one nap at a time.

*Campbell is wicked strong...both physically and in the will department. She can lift her head for upwards of 20 to 30 seconds. She can push her way up your body with her legs. She likes to grab Micah's chest hair and pull really hard. Strong willed wise, if she wants cuddles she will scream until she gets them. We are on our 4th day of no morning nap until it's on my chest. I have tried to teach her to sleep in the crib, but she has cried for up to 45 minutes when left to her own devices.

*Micah and I have to make great efforts to stay connected to each other. We started to get the hang of how to be husband and wife while being parents then he went back to work. I miss him.

*Our lives are consumed by eating and pooping.

peace.

PS This blog was interrupted twice in the writing. :)

PPS Our internet is spotty at best, so writing and publishing this was a nine hour process...kids change lives a bunch.

My Beautiful Girls

2009-07-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

Where to begin? It has been a crazy year and a half. You know what they say, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage."

It rocks.

I've never felt as blessed as I do right now. Carter and Campbell are both snoozing after their morning feeding and I'm left to the peace and quiet of picking up the house. I love every minute of it. I love doing their laundry, I love making them breakfast, and I love sweeping the floor. Right after Campbell was delivered Carter said the look on my face was unforgettable. That perhaps God had created me for only two reasons. To be a husband and a father. I can only hope that is true, because I feel completely fulfilled in this.

I was just sweeping the kitchen floor and thinking about how much of a Rock Star Carter was during the entire labor and delivery process. I've never been as proud of anyone as I was of my wife on Saturday and Sunday. When I think about it I begin to weep with love and thankfulness for what God has provided to me. I am rich beyond measure. I stood in the kitchen and just began to praise God for all of the gifts he has given to me. I feel like having a daughter has finally allowed me to see the love of God the Father. All encompassing, all loving. We are never out of his mind or his heart and I know that know. I might have believed it before, but today for me it is Truth.

My daughter is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The way she sleeps, cries, snorts....I could go on and on and on. I'm crying again. =)

I'm thinking about how great our families have been and how wonderful our community is. All I can do is shed tears of thankfulness and joy.

Thank you all for loving us so well.

peace
micah

Stumbling through Labor

2009-07-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is Campbell Jane Bell born at 12:39 PM on July 19th weighing 8 pounds, 3 ounces and 20 inches in length. This is her story, at least the first couple hours of it.

I was in labor either 31 hours or 22 hours depending on when you count labor starting. I started regular contractions at 5 AM Saturday morning, but they weren't progressing my dilation and effacement when the doctor asked us to come into to be checked. So we went home...and when the contractions started at 3 PM and were so painful I was tearing up but I was too stubborn to call the doctor, we finally went back in around 10 PM. I had dilated to between a 4&5, so I was commanded to stay. :)

Around 2 AM the contractions were real strong and I was crying through a few of them. Don't get me wrong, they hurt...but I think it was more that I was exhausted and had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep Friday night and hadn't really slept since. So Micah and I decided on an epidural so we could get some sleep while I progressed.

Only I didn't progress and after a really upsetting conversation, that left me in tears, with the doctor on call (our doctor was off the clocks this weekend) we finally convinced him to let me go another hour before break my water. When my water was broken, but nothing really came out (our darling daughter was positioned in such a way that she was blocking the flow) and I progressed a centimeter in 2 hours, he ordered the pitocin.

Micah and I were dead set against the pitocin-unless it was an absolute emergency. We had had numerous talks with our ob about this...but we didn't have our ob delivering us so he didn't know about these conversations. And when I was trying to explain our feelings to him, he basically said we brought this on ourselves by getting an epidural.

But he is the medical professional, so we got pitocin. And it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be. Though the epidural wore off in my delivering area and, in spite of two more attempts to renumb the areas, it stayed that way until delivery.

Labor was a tough, tough process for me. I got about 4 hours of sleep from Friday morning until Campbell was delivered at 12:39 on Sunday. I can handle pain pretty well, I can't handle exhaustion. It amplified all the good things and hard things that happened. I struggled a great deal with not having the doctor who cared for us for the last 9 months deliver Campbell-I never thought it would be that hard. I struggled with having residents care for my body and being poked and prodded several times in similar ways so that they could gain field experience. I struggled veering from what we wanted originally-as simple as a labor as possible, in that minimal interventions would be used.

But here is the good news-I pushed for less than an hour. And towards the end, I even got to let the contractions do all the work. My body took to delivering a baby better than anticipated and damages were relatively minimal and minor. I never lost feeling in my legs and feet.

And Micah was absolutely amazing. Seriously, right after Campbell left my body I looked at him and felt that God had created him for two purposes in life...to be a husband and a father. He was so supportive, so loving, and just perfect during the whole process. The second he held Campbell she stopped crying. They love each other so much...and they've only known each other outside my womb for 9 hours!

Campbell is absolutely perfect. She didn't cry when she got her shots...she fussed a little when getting cleaned, but as soon as Micah took her she stopped. When I got to hold her, she just started at me. She is beautiful and loving. She latched on to nursing right away and by the 4th feeding she fed 15 minutes on each breast. We've attempted to do a feed, wake, sleep pattern with her in the 9 hours she's been outside the womb and she has taken to it...

Now I know that all these things can change. It's been 9 hours, though it feels like an eternity. But we are just about the most proud parents in God's good earth. Pictures don't do her justice.

I am writing this as I listen to Micah snore and watch Campbell sleep. I am excited to join in their slumber as well. We are blessed, blessed people-but the blessings seem to be shining a little brighter for us on this 19th day of July.

peace.

If this isn't America...

2009-07-15T06:00:00.001-07:00

I am not a particularly patriotic person, I am grateful for where I was born and raised, but when I met Jesus I pledged my allegiance to Him-not a country or flag. But every once in a while I run across something that makes me uniquely proud to live in the USA. Last night it was this group of men.

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Adventures, part two

2009-07-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

Before I let everyone into our hopes and dreams, a quick update...

Still 2 cm, but 75% effaced. If she still isn't here on guess date (7/20), we'll have an ultrasound to see how big she is and then go from there. :)

So, here's a little glimpse into our hearts...what we desire for this life God has given us together:

1) To listen to NPR as a family at breakfast every morning.
2) To watch PBS news in the evening before dinner.
3) To listen to vinyl records after the kids go to bed and share our days with each other.
4) For Micah to be able to work from home as a photographer so I can continue being a teacher.
5) To travel for missions work as a family in the summer.
6) To adopt as many children as we can afford and have a little rainbow family.
7) To, someday, run an orphanage together in an impoverished nation (retirement?).
8) To live simply.

So, that's a start. One of my major desires in finding a life mate was that the person had to have a heart for adoption. And God blessed that and provided Micah for me. We realize we don't even have one out of my belly yet, but our hearts continually come back to the children God has for us all over the world-maybe in Indianapolis or one of the US coasts, maybe Brazil, maybe Africa, maybe India...

God gave us each a heart for the nations that only grows stronger as my evangelical and compassionate nature combines with his intellectual, practical, and gentle nature.

peace.

Adventures

2009-07-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

So, Micah and I saw the movie "Up" a few weeks ago. It was perfect. It was a great little story with cute and interesting characters. We both laughed, cried, and enjoyed our time experiencing the movie together.

We had several loving and tender moments throughout and after the movie (we're both kind of saps). Once all our tears were shed, we started talking about adventures and what kind of adventures we have had in the last 18 months and what kind of adventures we want to have in the future.

I just wanted to share a few with you and give you a little glimpse into our hearts a bit.

We both agree that the dogs have been a great adventure in the past year. We got Inu before we were married (which meant I had the joy of being a "single parent" for 2 months), but she has brought a great deal of life and joy into our lives. One of the most insightful moments for me was when we lost her. Micah stayed so strong for me because I felt like it was all my fault. He drove around the neighborhood relentlessly and eventually just lost it. It was the first (and one of the few times) I've seen him sob out of sadness.

Then our journey to getting her back (a whopping 15 hours later) was another adventure that involved phone calls on Christmas day, going out in our slippers and PJ's, running red lights, and hugs from strangers. :)

The adventure of Elmer and his bloody mess is another.

Other adventures have included incredibly late night talks, both online, in person, and on the phone. Being so tired the first month of our relationship is a complete blur, taking some of my students to a play, going to California for spring break, our drive up the 101, getting lost in Oakland (this one comes back in conversation often), the sewage explosion of '08, our absolutely perfect wedding, the naked dog fight, buying our first piece of furniture and then greatly regretting it, the jeep trip on our honeymoon, and finding out we're pregnant...to name a few.

We have a special box where we keep mementos to commemorate our adventures and it is surprisingly full already. :)

So, here's to many more boxes in the future!

peace.

PS I realized I didn't write about future adventures. Just know they involve adoption, travel, orphans, loving, and living somewhere that isn't the USA...sometime.

love.

Week 38

2009-07-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our week 38 appointment...and it was about the same as the week 37. I progressed just a teensy tiny bit, but for the most part am about the same. I have been spending some time thinking about what it means to be patient and constantly come back to the "Fruit of the Spirit" song I learned in Uganda.

I definitely do not invoke the natural spirit of patience, but I feel like I am learning a bit. I remember listening to a sermon a few years ago about patience. In the sermon Tim mentioned that patience best translates into "long suffering" as it is used in Galatians. He then talked about the his greatest bout of long suffering was when his wife was pregnant and they were waiting for their son to be born.

My initial response was, c'mon it's 9 months....it's not that bad.

But, oh, have a I learned...it is that bad. But God is good. And this has been a good experience to lean on Him. So I'm just trying to take it in for all it is worth, love Micah, and enjoy our little life.

I'm just ready to be able to bed down to pick things up off the floor again, without grunting.

peace.

fresh air

2009-07-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

So, I've been stumbling through week 37 of pregnancy. My mother had both my brother and me in week 37. My grandma Shepherd had 18 kids (pretty sure they were all born at home as well), so she was pretty experienced in the birthing department as well. I figured/hoped I would be that lucky, to skip a few weeks of pregnancy and have it be easy.

And it might still be...but I'm tired of the wait. I think I would have been OK if our very conservative doctor would not have given my husband a playful nudge on the arm as he left the office last Monday and told him that he "better get ready."

I didn't mean anything against anyone in the last post. Micah and I have invited any reader of this blog, our family, our friends, and the entire facebook community into week 37 of being pregnant. But what that means is that people want to know what is going on, a very humbling and loving situation. And I am so excited and cheerful that people desire to be involved. It makes me feel very loved and cared for.

But it sucks when I don't have any news to give anyone.

-------------FRESH AIR---------------------------------

Today at church I was talking to a friend I initiated a gathering with over a month ago, but that gathering still hasn't happened. I apologized to her and caught her up to date on our appointment last Monday. I told her that I had been really careful all week about scheduling things because I am afraid of being out of the house if I do go into labor. And I finished up my monologue with how frustrating it is to take all these precautions and still have nothing happen.

She then provided me with a breath of fresh air. It was simple, but perfect.

Di told me that my body is getting ready to have a baby and the further along I progress without going into labor just indicates that labor will, most likely, be easier and shorter because I will be that much closer to being fully dilated when Miss Bell decides to grace us with her presence.

And it brought peace and comfort to my soul.

Though I still convinced Micah to go for a brisk walk with me this evening. He lovingly obliged, and after the dogs had done their duty, really enjoyed our trek into Broad Ripple.

It was a great way to celebrate our currently family on our one year anniversary.

peace&love.

doctors

2009-07-04T18:25:00.001-07:00

So, we haven't had the greatest luck in the doctor department. Until recently, that is!

I've had a general practitioner who was fine, but her office staff was terrible-to the point where one of the nurses refused to call me "Carter" because it wasn't my given name on my birth certificate.

I had an OB that took over 3 and a half years to diagnose a very simple problem.

We had a vet that charged exorbitant fees for simple procedures.

But I feel like our luck with doctors is changing!

My OB was on maternity leave when we got pregnant, so we switched to someone else in the practice who has been AWESOME. We love him. He recommended us to a fabulous pediatrician. We got several recommendations for a GP in Broad Ripple who we met the other day and he was great as well.

It feels great to have wonderful doctors.

But there is one in particular that was the most difficult to decide upon-yes, even more difficult than the pediatrician.

Our veterinarian.

Dr. Doyle at Eastwood Animal Clinic is no ordinary vet. No, he is a swearing, straight talking, uses a person scale to weigh animals (he holds them while weighing himself), and wears his vet uniform from the 1970's kind of vet. An appointment is $38 plus $7 for each additional animal you bring with you. An appointment includes all medicines (minus shots) he may administer to your pet and all procedures.

But the best part is that he revealed the truth of Elmer.

Elmer is a normal, 9 year old dog. He has no major problems and will, most likely, need no major medical procedures. He also referred to Elmer as a Heinz 57 dog, with most likely a shepherd/hound mix of some kind to him.

So, $16 for ear wash and $1 per xanax pill later for Elmer and we have a healthy dog who looks to outlive us, potentially. We don't know whether to rejoice or to be a little overwhelmed. (Just kidding...kind of.)

In other news, I'm just trying to avoid thinking about Miss Bell's avoidance in making her appearance in this world.

And I hope I don't hear another person say that she'll come anytime when they hear that on Monday I was 2 centimeters dilated and half effaced. I promise I appreciate your observation and enthusiasm for the birth of our daughter, but I might just scream at the thought that she could come any moment and yet she isn't....

peace.

nesting (again)

2009-07-02T05:36:00.000-07:00

Ever since we got the news Monday that the arrival is Miss Bell would be pretty soon, it's been interesting to see how 4538 Kingsley is reacting.

I find myself praying often...but not for noble and good things. Here is an example.

"Dear Lord, please let me be able to dust and sweep the bed room and wash the walls in the bedroom and living room before our daughter comes. Amen."

All I really want it to have a super clean house to come home to from the hospital. And I'm finding the progress I've made to be very helpful in achieving this goal (minus the dog hair and dust that comes with it). Cleaning has been relatively easy and keeping up on laundry the same.

Micah has taken it upon himself to actually settle into the house. The more we do to make it a livable space (turning the spare bedroom into a den, per se), the more we both believe that we could be here for a while. We've even had talks about finishing the bath in the basement and putting in a master bedroom and a play room. That would give us a good while longer in this home and space for a few more children.

Micah has been a superstar the past couple days (with the help of Bill and Evan). Monday's appointment, I think, kicked him into gear a little.

On the other hand, the dogs have been reacting in their own way as well. We have taught them to stay out of the nursery (though Inu is still a little suspect-but no longer takes toys at least) and trained them to sleep in the den (which doesn't help with the dog hair issue, but at least they are no longer in our room). But Inu has been "nesting" in her own way.

For instance, as I type this, she has pulled the couch cover off of the loveseat in the den into the hallway and gathered it into a ball. It's taken her about 20 minutes to accomplish this.

Elmer, on the other hand, has just taken to sleeping more often than normal. Though usually he is interrupted by Inu as she pulls whatever his bed is out from under him.

So, things are going well in the Bell house...and I'm on my way to dusting, sweeping, and cleaning walls!

peace.

one year of marital bliss!

2009-06-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well, one year will technically be Sunday. But we celebrated it tonight with an impromptu dinner, gifts, and cupcakes.

We had our 37 week appointment today where we were told I am 2 cm dilated and my cervix is still half thinned. Dr. Cleary has been very conservative on any chance of us going early, but did say that he would see us in a week, if not before...he really led us to believe she will be here sooner rather than later! Potentially this week! Which means that we will probably NOT make our goal of having our one year anniversary just the two of us.

So we celebrated tonight! We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then went to Luna where we each picked out a CD (Miss Bell did too...Trout Fishing in America). We came home and snuggled for a bit, then had cupcakes from the Flying Cupcake.

We couldn't really have the top layer of our wedding cake because the dogs ate it. Which is actually an incredibly humorous story, but rated PG-13...

Both Micah and I were virgins when we got married, so the hang of sex took a few (incredibly fun and funny) attempts. But after a few days, we were pros.

We waited a week to go on our honeymoon so we could participate in our friends The Bensons wedding ceremony, but wanted a few days away from Indy right after we got married. So we took 2 nights in Nashville to ourselves, then came home.

The rest of our cake had been safely placed in our fridge, but I got it out to nibble a bit before getting distracted by my incredibly handsome husband.

So, we were "practicing" what we had learned in Nashville, when all of the sudden we heard a crash and then a dog fight! We immediately stopped what we were doing and Micah ran buck naked into the living room to break up the fight the had commenced over the top layer of our wedding cake...

We lost our chance to have the top layer of our cake for our one year anniversary...but getting cupcakes in the same flavor as the top layer (red velvet elvis) is not a bad second. :)

peace.

satisfaction

2009-06-28T08:26:00.001-07:00

I'm taking out stock in Ben and Jerry's. Specifically Chunky Monkey Ben and Jerry's.

Micah and I participate in Community Supported Agriculture. Every week we get a load of nutritious veggies and some fruits. If we aren't careful, some of the good goes to waste, so we have to plan carefully. Yesterday night we decided we wanted Pizza King pizza with salad. While out we picked up a few more things for the salad and ran to Blockbuster before getting the Pizza. As we were leaving pizza king, I sheepishly said, "You can say no, but could we run by Target so I could get some ice cream?"

Micah, in his generous and loving spirit, agreed-but only if I got him a pint of Chunky Monkey as well.

I hopped out of the car (well, hopped is a relative term) and walked quickly (faster than a snail's pace) across the store to the coveted freezer holding Ben and Jerry's. Much to my dismay, Chunky Monkey was not in its typical location.

Without a second though, I dropped to my knees on the floor, opened the freezer door, and started to root around until I found the last two pints tucked behind the Phish Food and Cherry Garcia. When I went to stand up, I realized an elderly black man had been holding my freezer door open for me the entire time.

I sheepishly smiled at him, said my thanks, and added how much I appreciated him. He gave me a knowing look and held up a box of drumsticks.

He then added, "When you want ice cream, you want ice cream!"

peace.

NOT Stumbling through Pregnancy

2009-06-23T06:05:00.000-07:00

There are parts of being pregnant that lean towards the hardest thing I've (and probably) Micah have ever gone through...and I've been through a decent amount in these 27 years of life.

But, this is dedicated to what I love about being pregnant...

1) I have to walk slowly. It's nice to be able to have permission to take time getting places and enjoy the scenery.

2) I love having a desire to clean. I love (and am most at peace) with a clean house, but expecting a child adds a new excitement to cleaning.

3) I love Monday afternoon appointments and how I get to see Micah at 3 and spending the rest of the afternoon and evening with him.

4) I love feeling our little girl dance and move. :)

5) Even better, is sharing in our little girls movement with my husband. Just the two of us sitting on the couch or snuggling in bed and having family moments.

6) Napping and having reasons to sleep more often.

7) The decision to stay on Kingsley Drive...while it's not permanent, it's good to know where home will be for a little while longer. The end to the pursuit of greener grass is wonderful.

8) I love the long term perspective God has given us through this...and being married to a man who shares such a common vision. It's amazing to be so united with someone who puts family above all else and is willing to sacrifice to put family first.

9) The purging part of nesting. Sweet release of material items!

10) I love seeing our love for our daughter reflected in the eyes and hearts of our family and friends.

peace.

:)

2009-06-23T05:58:00.000-07:00

Well, things are starting to come together! Less than 4 weeks until guess date! Travel has been limited to within an hour of the hospital, we've discussed our birth plan (though a better term may be a 'go with the flow' plan), laundry for clothes 0-6 months has been washed, and plans for the rest of the house (minus the living room) are done.

We've started getting the dogs to sleep in a different room in case we find it easier in the beginning to keep Miss Bell in the bassinet in the room with us. We have learned how to "inu-proof" a room-after losing 2 pairs of shoes and a duster, not to mention lots of chewed up trash. My hope is that after a couple nights we have learned.

At the doctor's appointment yesterday, we discovered that I'm on my way! I'm dilated a "fingertip" and my cervix has thinned about halfway. :)

update

2009-06-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

There has a bit of staggering as we get the house together for Miss Bell...especially considering we are a bit organizationally challenged in a particularly small space. But it is slowly, but surely coming together. Though not at the same speed as we are acquiring blessings for our smallest blessing!

Two huge blessings came this weekend-both at the same time!

Micah's dad, Steve, came down Saturday and stayed through Sunday afternoon to help around the house. They had lots of amazing bonding time accented with putting together the rest of the nursery furniture (which means I can start nesting!), a new garbage disposal, and ceiling fans. Lots of luxuries that make life just a bit easier. Steve is so precious to Micah and me, so it was wonderful to share this time with him.

What made it most special to me was seeing how much Micah loves his father and how that will impact how Micah raises our daughter. It was also fun to see Steve loving Miss Bell before she is born through his service and words (to my belly, of course)!

The other huge blessing was that I had an absolutely perfect baby shower on Saturday (not even a week after another perfect shower with our families in Auburn last Sunday)! I had an amazing time seeing a group of women I love dearly while be blessed beyond measure for the birth of our daughter.

It is amazing to see people so freely love Miss Bell that have not even met her yet!

Pregnancy has been a very difficult experience for me, but I am just full right now. Full of love for Micah, our families, our friends, our dogs, and Miss Bell!!!!

peace.

Staggering through suffering

2009-06-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who was on an anti-depressant about a year ago. She was really struggling with taking the medication because she felt it helped her escape suffering. She felt like God wants us to see injustice, carry the cross, and experience the suffering of those around us.

I agree with her.

I have been seeing a counselor for depression and anxiety off and on (mostly off) since 4th grade. (That's since 1991.) I have been on medication off and on since 2001. For the first time I am completely at peace with taking medicine-for lots of reasons.

One of those reasons was revealed to me this morning. I was driving to meet with another dear friend for coffee at 6:30 this morning and thinking about the past few days of life and if there was anything significant that I had noticed God doing. I thought about what I had accomplished in the past days (not very much) and realized that while I hadn't checked lots off the to-do list, I had done a lot of things I typically love to do.

And I wondered what had changed in life to make me-all of the sudden-desire to read articles about injustice, fight the government, and watch documentaries...and came to the realization that suffering wasn't all about me anymore.

I wasn't so preoccupied and overwhelmed by my suffering so I could share in the suffering of others. I wasn't miserable and feeling like a failure. Instead I was feeling close to God and empowered to fight the good fight...to seek out justice and truth and be a part of ushering the Kingdom that is already here into the lives of those not recognizing it.

And it feels good...I feel like God has given me my life back...that He has explained to me that struggling with depression and anxiety has given me opportunities to share in suffering with others, but He has provided relief. That it isn't a punishment that my serotonin levels aren't quite what they are supposed to be...instead these experiences will be used for His glory.

I feel like God is shaping me into the mother I am supposed to be. A mother that teachers her child-someday children-about injustice and loving others, about being the hands and feet of Christ, about using our voices to tear down walls and build up the people.

And it feels good...and peaceful.

Drunkenly Staggering on Kingsley Drive

2009-06-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

A few weeks before we got married last summer, 3 feet of other people's poop and toilet run off came up through our basement drain. We were storing the Moore's (then serving in Ukraine) and Kandice's (getting read to serve in Central Asia) personal belongings. Many of our personal belongings were in the basement as well.

We lost everything...their things, all my pictures from birth through age 21, Micah's entire book library, many of my sentimental items that were in storage and in waiting to pass down to children...

It was a good lesson in where I placed my treasure. We survived (with Micah waking at 5 to come over super early in the morning and save what he could).

Yesterday we had a nasty hail storm. The streets in this neighborhood were flooded, ice was abundant, and it was a bit scary. I figured the basement might have some back-up but wasn't sure and didn't look.

But Micah looked, said it was gross, and I took him at his word.

I was out of clean clothes this morning and had done a load yesterday before the backup, so I thought I would go down to see if they were OK. The first thing I noticed in the basement was all the sludge on the ground. The second thing I noticed was the smell. I grabbed a clean pair of undies and a shirt, then came back upstairs and called a plumber.

What the plumber told me was the sewers and water lines run into each other (ew, gross) when it rains really hard and it would cost us $1500 to fix the basement. While it sucks that it is so expensive to fix this problem, what sucks even more is that we live in a neighborhood with people who have no means to fix the problem. Especially considering this is a problem of the CITY WATER AND SEWAGE DEPARTMENT.

So I then called the Department of Public Works.

The woman I spoke to there was incredibly helpful, sent my claim, and told me someone would be out shortly to look at our basement.

I felt powerful, I had called the man and gotten results! I felt like I was fighting for my neighbors and hopefully giving them something in the long run-that our days of having our basements filled with sewage were soon to be a distant memory.

A few hours later the DPW called, didn't come to the house, but called to tell me that our sewage problem was a common problem in this neighborhood and our best bet would be to put in a $1500 valve.

When I told him that I didn't find this acceptable and many people in our situation can't afford to put in a valve-especially given it is the city's malfunctioning water and sewage systems-he just tried to explain what happened again. So I asked him for who I could talk to about getting this fixed and he gave me some phone number for the Indianapolis City Engineering offices.

I feel like I am staggering through how to fight for my neighbors. Especially when I feel like there is injustice happening because I live in a largely impoverished neighborhood.

We have other people's poop coming into our basements in my neighborhood and all I can get is, "That's what happens when it rains really hard."

So, let's begin drunkenly staggering through this endeavor of loving our neighbors.

peace.

Drunkenly Staggering

2009-06-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to hold true to the name and title of this blog. While I understand that we have been rather preoccupied with events looming in the near future, the quote that inspired this blog still rings true.

I know which is the road that leads home and if I weave like a drunken man as I go down it that does not mean the road is the wrong one.
~Tolstoy

Home...this word means a great deal both Micah and I. Home for me is many things. Home is 4538 Kingsley Drive. Home is with Micah wherever we may be-in the car, making sandwiches for the Pour House, or snuggled in bed. Home is welcoming the Kingdom on earth.

So, we drunkenly weave the road that leads to the places that are our home. We weave as neighbors, as we learn to love each other more and our Father more fully, we weave in relationships, and as parents.

So, here's to stagger as we navigate, so be it...but we continue to stagger towards the cross.

confession

2009-06-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Micah and I set lofty goals for ourselves. All kinds of them...from weight loss to setting a schedule for Inu to organizational endeavors to savings accounts...goals help us keep our eyes on the prize...well, the kind of prize that doesn't involve Jesus. Though, what doesn't involve Jesus, really?

Anyway, I need to confess to you that we have decided to make our home livable...and part of this is enjoying living here. We got our furniture for the nursery at a great price from IKEA. We are super excited about how functional and useful it is. We have spent a great deal of time coming up with space saving ideas and purchases for the house. The most awesome thus far is a $10 pot lid wall holder. Normally we keep our pot lids under the stove. But since they are now on the wall, we got to empty one whole cupboard of bakeware and make room for some gadgets there were housed on the kitchen table.

So, here is the confession. We have decided to turn the 2nd bedroom into a den. (The 3rd bedroom is the nursery.) We're pretty excited about it. Eventually we will buy a "corner couch" for the room, but for now we have the loveseat. The glider we just got for almost $80 off will be in the den as well.

Part of turning the 10' x 11' room into a den was creating space for entertainment. We bought a big TV shelf with 18 13" x 13"boxes around the edges. It's what goes in the middle that I need to confess.

We bought a flat screen TV. And while not ashamed, it's a bit weird. We weren't super excited about the TV. It took us a week to plug it in. But it's flat, so it doesn't take up much space. Did you know that they don't even really make tube TVs anymore?

This is the first TV I have purchased. I had a 13 inch in college that my Dad traded me for a 24ish inch later. When Micah and I got married, we used his slightly larger TV.

This was doesn't take up much space and has a real pretty picture and colors.

So, there you go, we have a flat screen TV.

peace.

nesting

2009-05-26T14:57:00.000-07:00

Things have been getting around the past month in the Bell household. Micah and I are continuing to enjoy just being the two of us (plus Inu and Elmer) while looking forward to soon being a family of 3 + 2. :)

I have started measuring "on" and am officially 32 weeks! Which means that July 20th due date is looking pretty steady. I am anxious to no longer be pregnant, while appreciative of the time we will have before Miss Bell is born.

On a more serious note, at our doctor's appointment 2 weeks ago Micah and I made the decision together that I should go on an anti-depressant. It was a very personal decision that I am happy to discuss and that we both (along with both of the doctors involved) are grateful for. It has been enormously helpful for our marriage and alone time, as well as having taken off some of the anxiety I was feeling towards the actual time after Miss Bell is born.

Two weeks in the meds have started to kick in a little, which is always nice for the last few days of school. Which, by the way, my last official day with kids is Friday! Can I get a "woot woot?!?!??!?!"

Other than all that, we had a very nice long weekend after a very busy last week. We slept lots, finished season 4.0 of Battlestar Galactica, did churchy things, had dinner with friends, and went to IKEA yesterday. We got the last piece of furniture for Miss Bell's room as well as a few pieces for our new "den." IKEA was also having a big sale on our favorite series, Expedit, and we got 2 new piece of Expedit for $40 off each! Which was very exciting.

On the dog front, Inu had some misfortune today which ended in an emergency vet visit. But all is well, other than a sore bum. I have never heard her really "cry" before, and man, after seeing Micah run to her side, I have no doubt that he will be the most protecting, providing, and loving father. If he is so gentle and caring towards our dog, I can only imagine the love he will lavish on our child(ren).

We have also decided that we need to budget a little more for veterinary care for the dogs. Some things you just learn the hard way.

As for summer break, I have decided to make a "to-do" list for the time before we deliver Miss Bell. It will be filled with things like "organize spices" and "sort through cloths" and "make a goal outfit for once you've lost the 40 pounds you've gained" and "clean the floorboards" and "spray for ants" and "wash all 14 loads of Miss Bell's clothes." You know, fun things like that.

If you've made it this far, I have a fun story for you. :)

Today, while Dr. Cleary was listening to Miss Bell's heart, she punched the doppler twice. :) His response was, "Geez, she's active!" :)

peace&love.

slacker

2009-05-04T14:41:00.001-07:00

I'm a slacker. Fo' sho', my friends.

I have this gigantic portfolio thing due Friday and I haven't really started it yet.

The trash cans are down by the street and I'm perfectly capable of pulling them up the driveway, but didn't really feel like it.

I did have the dishes, then put the rest in "to soak" 24 hours ago and they are still there.

I pulled all the clean clothes out of two laundry baskets (3 loads) and piled them on the bed this morning to find a pair of undies that fit to wear today. There is no body part that is going unchanged as Miss Bell (and my bum) grow. I was tired after work today, so I just pushed all 3 loads of clothes over to Micah's side of the bed so I had room to rest.

And it's been over a week since our last doctor's appointment and I have yet to really share any of this information.

Miss Bell has been continuously measuring 2 weeks ahead. I am unsure if 1) she is actually 31 weeks developed and not 29 like we though, 2) the insulation on my belly is causing an extra inch or two in the tape measure, or 3) she is just hugemongous. It's anybody's guess. Though the weight I've gained has me leaning towards option 2.

And I do have to say that it does not make me feel any better when the custodian at work touches my stomach and says, "Shouldn't your stomach be harder than this? I'm worried because it's still pretty soft."

The only thing that keeps me hanging on to hope is that 25% of pregnancy weight gain is liquids. Which I can testify to, being that I get up every 1-2 hours to go to the bathroom in the night. In fact a new record was accomplished last night. I got up 7 times between 11 and 5:30. And even then, I went to the bathroom twice more between 7 and 8.

Who knew going to the bathroom and weight gain could be so interesting? :)

In other news, Micah-my stud of a husband-put together a porch swing yesterday. My only question is to how long the neighbors will be able to tolerate us looking lovingly into each other's eyes and kissing...I'm pretty sure if someone based a reality TV around us, most people would vomit after about 5 minutes...and keep vomiting until I had an emotional outburst about breaking dishes.

peace.

Stories from the Field

2009-04-22T14:28:00.001-07:00

Today I said "freaking" in front of a class. As in, "You have got to be freaking kidding me!" It was the only thing that could possibly fit a situation in which a group of 11-13 year old students had no concept of following procedure that had been set since last August.

Also, I had a class of kindergarten students get in trouble today for meditating loudly during instruction time. How do I call their parents? What should I say to let their parents know what happened?

Yes Ms. Smith, I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to let you know the Jeremy wrote me an apology today for meditating during class. It was very disruptive and caused us to stop our activity before we could get back on task.

peace.

PSA

2009-04-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

I reread some of the previous blogs as a reflection on pregnancy yesterday. I just want to apologize for my pregnant brain and lack of proof reading that has been a part of this whole process. I'm almost embarrassed. But, in all reality, I'm too tired to care enough.

While I am scared poopless to be a parent, I am excited to be done being pregnant. Each day just gets a little bit harder...and I still have about 12 weeks to go.

peace.

PS In the process of writing this e mail I had to correct 6 word choices, for instance, I initially typed "e mail" instead of "blog." See what I mean? And to make matters funnier I realized I just did the same thing in this portion. The word "e mail" should be blog. But I'm too lazy to correct it. Instead I'll just continue typing about it...

And yet another story from the battle...

2009-04-19T18:47:00.001-07:00

When Micah and I watch movies we sometimes push the couches in the living room together so we can hold hands while still having some space. Today I thought it would be really funny to climb my big belly on top of Micah before rolling over to my designated chillaxing spot on the loveseat.

My plan majorly backfired.

I am not graceful to begin with...Micah has this really great story from when we were first dating and I rolled off the couch and fell flat on the floor without trying to buffer the fall at all.

So I crawled onto Micah, put myself flat on top of him, and started to roll to my couch-but my knee someone went between the couches. This caused the couches to separate from each other and I fell on my left ankle with my right knee. The right knee slid off the ankle and crashed into the floor.

If that wasn't enough, I thought it was pretty funny. But in the process of getting off the floor I kneed Elmer right in the face, which I didn't find entertaining. So I started crying, hard, while still laughing about the fall. My mixed emotions got the better of me and after a few moments I could no longer breathe.

It was awful.

And now I'm just tired, but deeply in love with my wonderful husband who manages to love me and recognize that I'm not completely crazy. There are reasons to stick this out...you know, small things like a fabulous house in the 'hood and large things like our daughter who will be here in 3 months!

On a side note, we had a wonderful weekend. We went to Bloomington for a few days and nights, enjoyed some time together, and came home yesterday. It was amazing to get away and just "be" together.

Yesterday we registered at Target. And it is nice to have that done as well. :)

peace.

Last night...

2009-04-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Last night was hard. I was a hormonal tornado.

In the process of sorting clothes, I knocked a whole glass of water into the clean clothes basket. Which, of course, lead to a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I SOBBED for a good 15 minutes.

During this time I got incredibly upset with Micah because of his response to the question, "If you could have a baby, would you?" He answered that he couldn't have a baby, but if he could he would. But he paused before answering me.

And that pause determined my thought that he was completely lying to me.

So then I got really mad at him because he couldn't have a baby.

This seriously happened.

Today we had another doctor's appointment. It was pretty great. A lot of our questions were answered about the birth, after the baby, and future planning of our family.

Miss Bell's heartbeat was a strong 150. I am measuring a little large and have a suspected bladder infection. So that means more fun testing in the near future! WHOO HOO! I don't have gestational diabetes, but am slightly anemic.

The sad part is that as long as I maintain a healthy baby, no more unltrasounds. :(

peace.

Hope

2009-04-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Micah and I are dorks...nerds...geeks...whatever you want to call it, we're totally square.

In the 9 months we have been married so far, we have come to realize that we enjoy the finer parts of life like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the X-Files, Firefly, and-the newest addiction-Battlestar Galactica. Not to mention zombies, vampires, and a myriad of other science fiction.

These have been both a bonding experience and comforting as we have navigated these first 9 months. We never intended on having a baby so quickly, our hope was that we would learn to be married first, but that in itself is a bonding experience for many reasons. It's nice to have an escape from the constant excitement my hormones bring to our relationship.

I mentioned in a recent blog post that I had been feeling better...those feelings left a few days ago. The honeymoon of second trimester is over, and the day I entered the third I could understand why the second could be compared to paradise. Praise God that He carried both Micah and I through the month of March. From a career standpoint, we could not have asked for a bigger blessing than how well I was feeling.

I hear the service at CG was amazing today. I feel like I should know, being that I was there, but I don't feel like I got to experience much. I felt like poo. While worshiping at the end of the service, I became overwhelmed. I'm tired of feeling like this. While I attended the majority of the Revelation series, I don't remember much of it. It's a struggle to experience worship, partake in communion, and just be with God when I am fighting my body.

This morning at church, on Easter Sunday of all days, I gave up hope of feeling better.

And it's been a hard day. I never realized how I would cling to hope and allow it to carry me through the times of poo. And out of all things to help me come to this realization, it wasn't reading about the Love of Christ displayed on the cross or the promise to the criminal that He would see him in Paradise.

It was Battlestar Galactica.

Micah and I started the third season today, and about 2/3 of the way through the first episode I just started crying. Crying to the point that we had to stop the video and Micah needed to just hold me. You see, the setting had been displayed as a place void of hope. To the point where I felt no hope...and it was a struggle to watch < BSG >.

As Micah was holding me, we started the video again. And it I would have waited about 3 minutes, a message from one ship to another would have popped onto the screen telling me to, "Have Hope."

peace.

Micah's blog

2009-03-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

Micah published his first blog post! :) You can find it here:

http://blog.micahbellphotography.com/

What I've been hearing lately...

2009-03-31T05:35:00.000-07:00

...is that I look great! It's really wonderful, because I feel pretty great. And I had the realization that my house church (many of whom I met last April/March) haven't ever seen me doing well. I started going shortly before Micah and I got married, which equates wedding stress. Then we had the period of adjusting to being married...then I miscarried...and then I got pregnant and it "stuck." So it's been a while since anyone has seen me be outwardly joyful and playful. I look forward to that sticking for a little while...even if I do feel like a bit of a whale.

Now, I am not someone who has particularly enjoyed being pregnant. Even when Miss Bell is doing gymnastics, I think to myself, "This feels interesting." Not that I love to feel her move...and she moves A LOT. But there is one thing that I do love about being pregnant.

It is an open forum for discussing weight gain. And, for most, it is completely acceptable to start a conversation, "When I was pregnant I gained 47 pounds!"

Well, I was doing so well on the weight gain deal. For about a month I actually lost a few pounds, which is no danger for my healthy and padded body. But one day I got hungry...and I ate a box of Velveeta shells and cheese for lunch and followed it up with a half pan of brownies. Then I ate some toast...and followed it up with a box of TJ's Pad Thai and a bag of edamame. And that's how three days went...no matter how much I ate, I had gnawing hunger. And I gained 4 pounds in 3 days.

So I went from gaining 12 pounds at 19 weeks to gaining 19 pounds at 25 weeks. And all I want to eat is chocolate. And luckily I have a husband who loves our child (and me) enough to know that I cannot live off of chocolate alone.

peace.

Heartburn, amongst other happenings

2009-03-29T14:20:00.001-07:00

At 3 AM last night, I awoke with this feeling like acid was eating my brain. Micah and I were having a relatively snuggly moment in sleeping, so I woke him up by saying, "Honey, I hate to say this, but your squeezing me and it's giving me heartburn." When he let go of me, the heartburn didn't get any better. So at 3 AM my narcoleptic husband went out to find TUMS.

Praise God for a wonderful and caring husband.

At 20 weeks, I was stoked because all of the sudden the cloud lifted...I felt pretty decent! At 23 weeks, I started having trouble getting comfortable while sleeping...and now at 24 weeks I have heartburn. TUMS, other than Jesus and Micah, you sustain me.

The blessing in all of this is that March SUCKED. Micah's biggest client at work is the NCAA and their big project is the Final Four. Micah has lovingly referred to March as March Sadness. It was a rough month between his work and my super huge school program (which went off without a memorable hitch).

So, I'm exhausted and Micah is too...though he has another week of craziness to endure while I am on spring break and am FINALLY going to finish thank you cards.

In the midst of all of this, I am thankful that my three-four weeks of being on the up and up were during March-the least forgiving month of the year in the Bell household.

And I am super thankful for spring break!

peace.

Update on El-man

2009-03-13T13:40:00.001-07:00

We heard back from the ER vet last night. All of his tests came back completely normal. Her guess is that he has a bacterial infection in his gastrointestinal tract. He didn't respond as if he was in any pain when she checked...but she also said he has a terrible ear infection in his left ear and exposed roots in his gums and he doesn't act like any of those things hurt either. Other than fluids coming from orifices, he doesn't act like there is anything abnormal. Maybe he has that nervous system disorder that means he doesn't feel pain...now only if he could fly.

On the plus side, his doggy immodium kicks tail.

So, we'll take him to the vet over my spring break and get some of these bacterial bad boys busted.

On a side note, I think Inu has finally reached her limit of Elmer attention and now barks any time she sees me looking at something other than her.

peace.

Elmer

2009-03-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

Inu gets lots of nods on our blog. Which makes total sense. She has the looks and personality. She is young, vivacious, and bad. Micah and I got her together and have had her since she was a puppy. Inu is our quintessential first dog. We plan on having her forever and comparing every other animal we have to her. When we lost her for 15 hours, we cried for at least 6 of those hours. Micah sobbed harder than I had ever seen him do so in our relationship.

But we do have another dog. Elmer. Elmer is ours by default. Though, we did change his last name from Shepherd to Bell, so it is not in location only that he can be called "ours."

I decided to get a dog one afternoon while sitting at the hospital waiting for my brother to get out of brain surgery (true story, he had a tennis ball sized tumor in his brain). Looking at dogs online from the Humane Society of Indianapolis was both therapeutic and entertaining. There were several dogs I was interested in being that I was looking very specifically for a dog that was not a puppy and not huge given my apartment living status.

Elmer was not one of those dogs. I don't even remember seeing his profile on the HSI website.

A few days after the surgery (which went very well and gave my brother a titanium skull), I meandered into the humane society and started to look at the small dogs (any dog under 35 pounds). I didn't feel any particular connection to a specific dog, but while walking by the first kennel the volunteer said, "If I had room for another dog, I would take Elmer home." She then proceeded to tell me that he had been at the shelter for over 3 months and that he was going to be euthenized to make room for all the animals coming in from Hurricane Katrina.

This made me feel terrible. I desperately wanted a dog, thought this dog was ugly and smelled kinda bad, but didn't want him to be put to sleep. So after a few visits outside with him, I said I'd take him.

I should have known there was more to the story when the check out girl told me in adopting Elmer I was never, ever allowed to bring him back. Never.

Elmer was deathly afraid of storms, the oven, and cameras. Afraid to the point that he ripped up 500 square feet of carpet in the apartment, chewed through a garbage disposal cable, burrowed under the sink and dug a hole in the back of the cabinet, and dug a hole in my roommate's (Heidi) mattress. After these incidents, he was put on Xanax-the same medicine I was taking for anxiety at the time.

When we Heidi and I tried to crate train him, he destroyed 2 metal and 1 iron crate. He ripped out all of his toenails digging out of the crate.

He also has the most annoying bark in the world.

He would run away and scare the neighbors-seriously, we would hear them scream whenever he got out of the house.

He never got on furniture-unless we weren't home. Then he would sleep on the back cushion of the couch. The cushions never returned to their original shape.

Last night I came home to a disaster. Elmer had vomited and had diarrhea all over the living room and kitchen. Plus there was a huge puddle of blood in the kitchen.

Ever since Micah and I got married, Elmer would get sick every 6 weeks or so. He would refuse to eat or drink for 4 or 5 days and throw up/have diarrhea every couple hours. Usually by the time we would decide to take him in to the vet, his illness would magically lift.

But this bought has been different. And Micah and I have had several conversations about how far do we go to save him...how much do we spend...ethically, what would God desire us to do to care for His creation as a whole...we committed to caring for Elmer, what does this look like with children?

Last night I was certain that it was going to be our last night with Elmer. I cried and cried and cried. Micah came home, cleaned up the mess, and we went to the pet hospital. On the way, we agreed to cap our spending.

The initial estimate to just see what is wrong with Elmer was almost $800. Way above our cap. The second estimate was right under the cap, so we took it and brought him home.

I stayed home from work today (2 weeks before the big school program) to monitor Elmer. I just fed him homemade rice and chicken-he loved it. He will be getting a bath this afternoon. We should find out the test results today or tomorrow.

I never really thought I liked Elmer all that much. To put it bluntly, he is kind of a pain in the ass most of the time.

Last night, when we went back to pick him up from the hospital after running to the store, he trotted right into our waiting room, looked at Micah and smiled.

Soon to come: Elmer's greatest hits

Crazy

2009-03-04T14:17:00.000-08:00

So the craziness has only gotten stronger. The other night Micah and I were acting silly and he took the sheets from me...and in the midst of tears I started sobbing. sigh. I know that it's funny and even want to laugh, but all that happens is crying. It's a bit mind boggling.

Well, it's March. Which means March Madness and the All School Program! The nice part of everything is that after March comes spring break-for me at least. The bummer is the craziness that ensues. Though it does help that we realized Inu just desperately needs a routine. I've always had dogs that free feed and let you know when they want to go out. Inu just needs to be told when to eat and poo. I just hope her routine, Elmer's free spirit, and the baby kind of mesh.

But seriously, we're tired. And miss each other. If working so often to create a certain kind of lifestyle is the American dream, I'll take something else, please.

peace.

With the hopes this will be funny later...

2009-02-27T09:03:00.000-08:00

I am writing this with the hopes that this will be incredibly hilarious later (though Micah manages to find humor in it now and asked me this morning if it was funny yet).

Pregnancy hormones are a-ragin'. It's quite the new experience. I've never had really awful PMS or anything of the like, beyond forgetting to take birth control every now and then.

But this is something completely new, that isn't assisted by the fact I have to get up several times in the middle of the night to go the bathroom or that Inu has decided to go out between 4:45 and 6:30 every morning for the last two weeks and will persistently whine until we let her out...then she'll bark 30 minutes later at someone walking to the bus stop and, not only wake us up again, but wake the whole neighborhood before the sun rises.

EARLY Thursday morning I went on one of my many bathroom trips and took a very nice beer glass Micah and I got on our honeymoon with me. I was planning on getting water to bring back to the bedroom for the morning. In my exhausted stupor, I was not careful where I set the glass and put it on the edge of the sink. So it rolled into the sink and broke into many, many pieces.

Thursday was a tough day at school and I forgot about the glass incident. I got home around 6 from work, chilled a little, and went to start dinner. I had decided that Thursday night would be the night I would prepare a steak for the first time. I was all excited to follow the directions I got from the "meat market" and make Micah a nice dinner, to be ready when he got home from work.

Well, the steak didn't cook, so Micah had to do some work on it. Then I put it under the broiler to finish cooking it and it caught on fire...

It was still very tasty, but wasn't done medium-well (as you must have when pregnant) so AFTER I ate it, I started to cry because I was afraid I hurt Miss Bell. Then I remembered about the broken glass and confessed it to Micah...then I started to look around the house and realized I hadn't folded laundry, done the dishes, etc. etc. etc., for days. I started to feel like a failure of a wife, so I started crying more...

In a last ditch effort to be a good wife, I decided I would put the dogs out for the night. Elmer went out with no problem. He barked after 2o minutes so I went to get him. BUT on the way into the house, he paused for just a nanosecond at the door before I opened it then bolted off the porch.

I got all the way into the house before I realized that I had failed at my final task of the night and burst into tears.

peace.

Pictures

2009-02-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

I hope this picture gives you a good idea of how excited MISS BELL is to have us a parents! :)

(She is hiding in picture, but sticking out her hand with a thumbs up sign!)

We had our ultrasound today. Here are the stats:

Miss Bell weighs in at a whopping 9 ounces. She measures 18 weeks, 5 days. She is a week older than we initially thought (height wise and developmentally), but we are sticking to the July 20th guess date.

We were shocked to discover we are having a girl! Both of us were certain we were having a boy! But we are excited none the less (though I think Micah is still processing what it means to have a girl in the family...he is one of three boys and never even had a girl dog during childhood)!

So bring on the pink! :)

peace.

What's up, pup?

2009-02-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

I am sitting on the couch with my incredibly handsome husband and he just read the title of this blog. His only response was, "Who is pup?" To which I replied, "I don't know it rhymed with up." Deep insight for this moment.

General Life News
I find myself with fewer things to say now-a-days as I feel I am becoming redundant. I am feeling better to an extent, but still exhausted and pretty unmotivated. I had a bad cold through January, took the lowest dose of Amoxycillin possible for a week, felt better for about a week, and am now all icky again. I started to slowly lose weight, but last Sunday decided that a one-topping Papa John's pizza sounded mighty tasty and Micah was so excited that I actually wanted something that we got one. And it did adequately satisfy.

So, really, that is about my life right now. I am spending lots of the energy I do have teaching...the big school program is at the end of March. It seems like plenty of time away, but I poorly planned this year and ISTEP (Indiana's standardized testing program) falls at the beginning of March (even though we took it last September as well). Which means I lose some valuable time with the kiddoes. Bummer, I know.

But really, it is a bummer. I became a teacher for lots of reasons, but one of the benefits is that being a teacher totally fulfills my extroverted side.

Anything exciting?
Today we made an offer on a new vehicle for Micah. Which is really very exciting. You see, Micah has been driving a '98 Neon with 175,000 miles, no driver's side mirror, windows you can pull out of the door, and three major oil leaks. Plus it has a pretty gold stripe where someone painted it with spray paint. But, soon, NO MORE!

In the big picture, Micah will be a stay at home Dad, so he needs a good reliable car. And what's more reliable than a Toyota? So, dear readers, we put down a deposit on a 2003 Toyota Matrix today. It was having some issues with idling which will be evaluated on Monday, but hopefully it is a cheap and easy fix which will end up costing us $2000 under blue book.

Oh yeah, we also took Inu to make sure she would fit in the hatch. She did. And then promptly took her muddy paws and jumped into the back seat. So we have now begun researching a variety of pet travel supplies to prevent her from jumping on Baby Bell.

Baby News
We will find out if we are having a boy or girl on the 16th! More than anything, I am excited to see our baby again. We saw Baby Bell at 5 weeks and 7 weeks due to complications, but (praises) we haven't had any since.

Sometimes I think about how preposterous it is that we only get to hear our baby once a month for the first 6 or so.

I think we felt baby kick for the fist time last weekend, but it was so light that I am a little unsure-it could have just been gas.

Sorry for a boring post, loyal readers. I usually like to try to be insightful, but have heard through the grapevine that brains truly shrink in pregnancy. Which goes to explain a lot-mainly why I got on 70 West the other day when picking Micah up from the airport. We were 56 miles away from home before I asked Micah if we had driven through the city yet...at least Micah has a good sense of humor.

peace.

Wonder

2009-01-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

Every year I take my students to the symphony. All 1st through 6th graders. Some wear suits, some wear uniforms, some flower girls dresses...we get on a bus and go downtown to listen to the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra play at Hilbert Circle Theater.

Every year I wonder how they hear the music...what they think while sitting in oversize theater chairs straining to see over the person's head in front of them. I wonder what the 1st grade students are experiencing being that most of them have never been in such an environment.

At church last night I think I may have gotten a glimpse of the thought processes of a first time symphony attender. As the pastor was preaching about Revelation (the infamous book from the Bible about the end of the world) he went into a metaphor between the symphony and the nations. He spoke in detail about sitting at the top of Hilbert Circle and watching the musicians "play their instruments," about the crowd erupting in applause for the "first chair," about the tuning where the first chair plays a note and then everyone plays it as well...and how that is like the world. Chaos brought in tune.

I caught the message of the sermon, but it left me with perspective about my students and how I believe God wants us to live.

We spend a good three weeks preparing for the symphony. We go over the instrument sounds, listen to excerpts of the performances we will hear, review vocabulary, and talk about being "music critics" and the kinds of words we should use to describe our experience.

But in the end, they sound a lot like my pastor. There are an incredible amount of incorrect terms used to discuss what they liked, didn't like, and thought of the performance. They use unsophisticated language to express their opinions and impressions.

But, like my pastor, they are passionate about these thoughts, opinions, and experiences. They are struck by the extremes of the symphony-how incredibly loud and powerful unified voices can be, but also how sweet, quiet, and sensitively they express themselves.

In all honesty, I can get really annoyed and feel like a failure of a teacher in moments like this. But listening to my pastor last night and watching his face light up with passion and excitement over his symphony experience, I realized I am missing the point both as a teacher and as a child of God.

My students may not use the correct terms, but they are awestruck and in complete wonder at the symphony. They are empowered. They feel worthy and like real people in real society. They love going to the symphony.

Shouldn't we be the same when experience a new power of the Lord? Shouldn't we stand in awe of what He has done and is doing? Shouldn't we be amazed at his power, might, and love? And shouldn't this lead us to be passionate about our experiences-even if we don't know exactly the correct terms?

peace.

Sleepless nights

2009-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

So, let's talk about how pregnancy has been treating me.

It's hard. I'm exhausted all the time...10 hours of sleep a night and going to bed between 7:30 and 9 are commonplace...my lower back hurts from carrying the extra weight in my chest...I can only eat a few bites of something before I start to feel nauseous, then I am starving while nauseous a half hour later. I recently got my first bad headache, borderlining a migraine, and was pretty sure my head had expanded three times its original size and would explode at Inu's next bark. I feel like I have to poo all the time, but don't go to the bathroom, and I do have to pee constantly.

The last sentiment leads me to sleeping. Granted I have only gained 5 pounds in 13 weeks. That is one pound more than I should have gained, but not too bad really. I figure I am carrying most of it up top and a bit in my belly. Though it is enough that I can't wear pants that sit right below my belly button anymore.

All that said, my body isn't too different, which means it shouldn't be hard to sleep.

But it is.

I struggle to get comfortable without taking over the entire queen bed. I steal the covers all the time and then get tangled. And I have to get up to pee every hour.

Micah has recently brought it to my attention that, before I get up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, I announce that I have to go. Which means, I wake Micah up to tell him what is happening. I always fall back on the "You're narcoleptic which means you can fall right back asleep" issue, but I guess that is not acceptable when I am interrupting a REM cycle.

This has all culminated recently when I woke Micah during the last full moon to ask if someone had put a street light in the alley. It was THAT bright. It really looked like someone was shining the brightest flashlight ever in through our west facing window.

Thursday night I woke Micah again to have him look at the moon. On Saturday he let me know that the brightest moon of the year was going to happen that night. We then got into a discussion as to whether it was proper for me to be waking him to let him know completely benign thoughts throughout the night.

During which I told him that I thought I was making the right decision. So he started mocking me and said, "I'd do it all over again."

And I was so excited because I had done it all over again!

Needless to say we were both bummed when the clouds covered the brightest moon of the year last night.

peace.

Thoughts on race...

2008-12-31T07:03:00.000-08:00

Nothing light for this post...but I've been thinking, more than normal, about racial reconciliation recently. And wishing it was a nice little issue we could box up the solution to and wrap it with a bow. But it's not. And being an educator in the inner-city, as well as living in a neighborhood with one other white person besides Micah and myself, well, it isn't something I can just put on the backburner.

I am not faced with awful situations every day. I don't regularly condemn people different than myself and, minus a few instances my second year teaching, don't really have people take notice of my pasty complexion.

But I was recently talking to a white man from South Africa and he made the comment, "70% of adoptions fail." Which had me thinking because, before Baby Bell, Micah and I planned on adoption. We still continue to plan on adopting (one or both of us are getting "fixed"). And while I have seen adoption adjustment be a struggle, I haven't really seen it "fail."

So that started the race dialogue in my head. It was escalated the other day by something that happened while I was driving. Then I read an article on www.theblackcritic.com, "Am I racist?", that kind of hit home.

Is racism to be expected in each person? How do we combat it? Is it something that we can ever rid ourselves of? Or will we let the various people who fit stereotypes continually feed into our expectation of race?

Here is what I do know, from my observations.

Ignoring race and ethnicity is not in the best interest of the child.
It is not effective to pretend to be something you are not.
Skin color does not equal life experience.
Socio-economic status seems to play an equal role in societal expectations, and a larger role in educational expectations.
I cannot beat myself up for being a white, female teacher in an inner-city school. (and minus about 4 students, my whiteness has had little affect on my influence.)
I don't know what it is to physically be a minority, so I can't empathize.

peace.

Christmas Recap

2008-12-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

Micah and I started Christmas last weekend. We braved the northern Indiana ice storm and went to my sister's Friday night bearing Hot Box Pizza breadsticks. Saturday we spent with Ma and Pa Bell eating wonderful food, experiencing great company and conversation, opening blessed presents, and laughing hysterically while playing euchre (Micah and I dominated 2 of 3 games...woot).

Sunday we took a drive to admire the ice storm, got coffee at Micah's favorite coffee place in the Fort, played video games with Cassie and Trevor, went on a date for lunch, the visited with my family for Christmas. Again we had great company...I love my sisters, got to see the newest niece, and just got to "be" with my side of the family. We were blessed abundantly through food, gifts, and conversation.

Yesterday we got to have our very own special Christmas. It is the only one we will have to focus on each other. So we did just that (minus the trip to pick up our escape artist), we had the world famous Schaab Christmas breakfast, opened presents for Christmas, had snacks, opened Micah's birthday presents, ate lunch and cake, watched Ironman, and had pizza for dinner. The gifts we each received were a mixed of "necessities" (each of us functions off of 4-5 work shirts and don't always keep up on the laundry well enough) as well as blessings.

I really love to bake and cook, so Micah got me some fancy schmancy kitchen stuff (I got the sifter I asked for) as well as the Buffy Season 8 comics and the Decemberists vinyl singles. I got Micah a few movies, Settlers of Catan, some lounging pants, and Ron Paul's manifesto.

I had a moment during the day where I realized I hadn't really taken the time to reflect on Jesus. I also realized that I wrote about the exact same ocurrence last year. And I even think I came to the same conclusion...

Jesus should be central in every moment of this life. Most days, He is. Some days He ranks right with doing the dishes in the aspect of maintaining my relationship with Him. But for the most part, He is the reason for this life and my pursuit of attempting to live as He calls us to.

It's the every day living that gets tangled for me...how do I react the person who cuts me off on my 5 block drive to work? Does the class that constantly tests my patience know that I'm really trying to love them? Am I supposed to work once Baby Bell comes? Am I OK if Micah stays home with the baby? We live fairly minimally as is, but am I OK letting the people we support know that we may have to cut their support so one of us can stay home with Baby? Is my family really my first ministry? If they are, why do I feel guilty about that?

You know, simple things...like how to live like Jesus.

So, I take December 25th to enjoy the blessings He has given...my family and my husband. A few gifts and a great meal. Time spent together. And I trust God still loves me-even if I forget to read Luke 2.

peace&love.

Shameless Plug

2008-12-25T09:15:00.001-08:00

After tears from 4 eyes and whining from Elmer, Inu is home! We got a call from HomeAgain around 10:45 this morning telling us she had been found... :)

HomeAgain is the company who microchipped Inu. When she was gone for more than an hour last night, I posted that she was lost to their website. They then sent out an e mail to all the people in their network withing 10 miles of our zipcode. A very nice woman and her husband were going to be coming into our zipcode to visit family this morning, so they printed off the HomeAgain e mail with Inu's info for their trip. Alas,they saw her on their way to family, called HomeAgain, and were transfered to us!

She was gone for 15 hours and made it about a mile in that time. She was happy to see us and is currently snoozing. My guess is that she is exhausted!

So, it pays to get your pets microchipped...but most importantly, it pays to know lots of people who understand the bond between animals and owners and pray you through losing one...

God is good, undeservedly so. We never knew how important she was to us until she was gone.

Merry Christmas! (And to Micah, Happy Birthday!)

Inu is lost

2008-12-24T17:12:00.001-08:00

Please pray for her safe return. :(

SURPRISE!

2008-12-19T13:15:00.000-08:00

It's 4:15 on Friday, December 19th...yesterday was the last day with students and today was a teacher "records day." Though I like to think of it more as a catch up with the other teachers in the building kind of day. Most teachers don't risk the danger of overloading the system on the last day possible to do grades, so we are done with grades and therefore have nothing to do on "records day." Though I did pick up the front of my classroom. (I was going to clean the whole room, but realized I have students who really like to organize the instruments and untangle the scarves and ribbons...so why should I do that myself when I can be chatting with a variety of pretty cool people?)

To quote the Counting Crows, "It's been a long December..." For lots of reasons it has been an extraordinarily challenging year, obviously (from the point of this blog) it has been amazing and incredibly blessed as well, but challenging none the less. Becoming one flesh comes with many side effects-both beautiful and requiring sacrifice and hard work.

On December 23, 2007 Micah and I saw each other for the first time since 1999. On December 23, 2008 we will not only have been married for 5 months, 18 days but we will also be 10 weeks 2 days pregnant.

It's true...most of you who read this already know...but we are pregnant.

God pretty much rocks our socks.

Not because we have been praying for this to happen or because we were planning it.

Baby Bell is not an answer to prayer...in fact, we had asked people to pray the exact opposite.

Baby Bell is a blessing because God certainly hears the mumblings and desires of our hearts when we don't even realize what we truly desire. Micah and I agreed before we dated that we both desperately wanted to be parents. But we also wanted to be married for a while before that process even happened.

But now that we are pregnant, we cherish "holding" baby Bell at bedtime as well as whispering good morning to baby. Though Micah is much better at whispering to my belly than I am.

So, I'm ready for winter break...and so is baby Bell. We hope to have lots of quality time staying warm in blankets together and baby will be the best company ever while I finally get to writing all the thank you notes from the wedding. Call me modern, but last I heard we had a year to get them out...my hope is to have them in the mail before 2009.

It is a little premature, but here's hoping to a little more calm start to 2009 and just as happy as an ending!

peace.

The many faces of Inu

2008-12-09T16:53:00.001-08:00

Thankful

2008-12-04T16:43:00.001-08:00

A little late...but better late than never!

About a year ago, Micah "friended" me on facebook.

Lots can happen in a year.

I love being married. Micah loves being married too. We highly recommend it to those who are called into marriage.

God is good, all the time.

I am thankful for my ENTIRE family-the Shepherds, the Schaabs, the Wiedenhoefts, the Bells, and the Davidsons. Even though I'm really bad at staying in contact, they are a really amazing and wonderful family to have.

Sometimes, I am thankful for my dogs.

I am thankful for my students. They pretty much rock and give my lots of really great stories to tell.

I am thankful for Love.

And I still hope for peace.

A real Christmas

2008-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

So, here's the deal. Watch this, then do it. Give. Be Jesus.

peace.

Saddened

2008-11-18T15:53:00.000-08:00

Things have been happening that leave me no option but to completely rely on God...and it is scary, but so, so amazing. And regardless if His will are my prayers, God is so, so good.

But sometimes, I run into something that breaks me heart. The picture at the bottom of this post is one of those things. Her sign is a response to a decision that was made for California in the last election...as well as a reaction to priests protecting their parishes by denying child abuse and molestation charges.

It breaks my heart that this woman is separated from the love of Christ because of the hands of those who follow Him. It breaks my heart that this woman has seen so much hatred from the church (maybe even experienced it herself) that she is jaded against those who truly seek to live like Jesus. Who seek out the lonely...who follow the commandment to love both God and neighbor.

There is no stipulation on love. There is nothing in Jesus' words that tells us that we are to ostracize a whole group of people based on part of their life that they may or may not have a choice in...

And personally, I am so tired of trying to show everyone that-while I am a "Jesus-freak"-I am not the same as most. If I got to spend half the time I do defending my faith as I did loving others as much like Jesus as I am currently capable of doing, I think my neighborhood would be a different place.

I understand that I too have destroyed the name of Christ to others, but knowingly and ignorantly. I am not innocent of this crime either.

But I plead to those who come across people that they have deemed beyond "saving," before you write someone off think about all those who society deemed as "outcasts" and "unlovable" yet Jesus loved.

peace.

addendum to last post

2008-11-14T06:26:00.001-08:00

Last night I was thinking about something happening in our life...I was thinking about how, while God has empowered us to make great decisions and given us the opportunity to use all He has taught us, the outcome of the situation is still ultimately in His hands. I realize that this may be common knowledge to most (as it is to me), but I suddenly felt empowered to pray with a new understanding of our Lord. And I felt free.

peace.

What God is teaching me...

2008-11-12T14:55:00.000-08:00

One of the things that has been hard about being married is how much my relationship with God has changed since Micah entered my life. I remember talking about it with our mentor couple before we got married, and Erin very directly said that the way she spent her time with the Lord changed when she got married.

I haven't felt void of God, but He has more been my umbrella than anything else. I know He's there, I still experience Him, and still have been learning more about Him. But He seemed to just be above me, seeing everything but not really "involved."

Last week started to turn around a bit...we had passionate discussion in house church that was empowering to us, a convicting sermon that left us with hope, and new direction for how we feel God is asking us to live.

It's been exciting to see Micah fired up about what God has to say...for a while I felt like Micah was really supportive of my crazy ideas about how to live but in more of a "I really love Carter way" than a completely sold out for living minimally kind of way. And I think that is starting to change. We've been talking about sacrifice in more than a financial sense, but in a "what would it look like if we both worked part time so we could be more dedicated to our family and available to serve the community" kind of way. We've been talking about how to make the home more energy efficient. And what it will look like when we are down to one car.

It's exciting. And I feel close, empowered, and excited about living into this life God has provided in a very alive and real way.

But it isn't without some sacrificial realization from a very one sided and personal level.

I am learning what it means to be married and have friends. Sometimes my biggest desire is to have one of my close friends move next door so that we can be in each other's lives more regularly. I am realizing that one flesh means a lot more than sex. I am becoming more comfortable with the notion that friendships change and that I can't always see people when they desire to see me. I am understanding my married friends more...

peace.

empowerment

2008-11-08T12:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think the very people who wish the government had less control are the very people who are relying on the government to do the "right thing."

I have had several conversations with people this week regarding the recent election and their frustration with Obama's stance on abortion. To be honest, while I believe that EVERY life is completely sacred, abortion isn't something I think about on a regular basis. Yes, it breaks my heart that we don't recognize the sanctity of ALL lives, but I don't line up the government with abortion.

As mentioned above, the most shocking thing to me has been the amount of people who, when asked how they choose to vote, vote solely on the president's stance on abortion yet do nothing.

Have we forgotten how to use our voices? Have we forgotten how to fight against injustice? Where is our imagination?

What if the people who were adamantly opposed to abortion sought out women who were susceptible and offered to adopt their child? What if, instead of picketing, you went inside the abortion clinic as a volunteer? Obviously, not to support abortion, but to be closer to women who felt they had no other option? What if you loved not only their unborn child, but the mothers carrying the child? What is we loved the mothers like Jesus loved the woman at the well?

I don't know who reads our blog and if it will make people angry. Feel free to leave any kind of comment you'd like (if you choose to), but I do ask you this...please be thoughtful and intelligent before writing. It's fine if you disagree, but if it is degrading, I'm deleting it.

peace, Carter

PS Something Micah and I talk about is the sanctity of all life...be it the unborn, the endangered mother, the person on death row, or the soldiers in the midst of battle...how can we choose to love only one kind of life and not all people?

smiles

2008-11-05T13:57:00.000-08:00

I've written about I before...she's the little girl with leukemia in kindergarten. She was out for about a month, but she has been back at school for a couple weeks now. It is nice to have her in class again.

And I actually do have her in class, when given a choice she comes to music class! She doesn't always participate, but she wants to be there. Which I am exceedingly excited about! She does great in music class-can keep a steady beat, likes to sing, likes to play instruments. It's really great having her there.

Yesterday we were singing "Allison's Camel." A standard in kindergarten music literature. And it was great...we were flashing sign language numbers like peace signs. And then at the end of the song, E shouts "OH MY GOSH!" and as I look over to see what caused such an outburst, she says, "I is smiling!"

Then, as all the children turned their heads to look at I, they start to clap for her, which makes an even bigger smile come to her face.

The smiling lasted maybe 45 seconds, but the impact of it has carried me through today. It reminds me, that while I don't always like the politics of the education system or having to report to someone who was never a music teacher, there is so much more to my job than lesson plans and meetings.

By the way, she smiled again today-only she was on my lap, so I didn't get to see it.

Speaking of politics, just a little soapbox.

One of the great things about our nation is that we don't have to agree all the time...and we've been given avenues to share our disagreement when we have them.

But, if you believe in honoring God, you best be praying that your heart changes if you hold any kind of contempt for our current president or president-elect. Trust me, I have had to humble myself and do it before too.

peace.

Loneliness

2008-10-29T06:07:00.001-07:00

During a wedding several years ago, I heard the officiant tell the couple that now that they were married they wouldn't be lonely ever again.

And while this was a beautiful and romantic sentiment at the time, I knew that it wasn't true. Just because we are in the company of others doesn't mean that we can't feel alone.

Somewhere there is a blog written well before I was married about how I feel most alone right after a big music performance. After all the congratulations are given and hugs received I am usually left alone in a gym to clean up the stage.

But yesterday something completely different happened.

We had a big celebration at my school for winning the Blue Ribbon Award. We're kind of a big deal.

The kindergarten students sang first and, after they finished and were sitting in their seats, I got to go sit next to Micah. :) He came to the ceremony!

It was the most wonderful experience to have him with me! I felt so loved and supported. It was fabulous to share such an important part of my life with him. He got to see the students I babble on about day after day and understand why I love them so much.

Then he got to see my middle school choir. They are an absolutely wonderful group of students who challenge me on a regular basis. Many tears and successes I have experienced as a teacher are brought forth by my middle school choir.

So, while I know there will be times in life where I feel lonely, yesterday wasn't one of those times!

peace.

honesty

2008-10-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

Micah and I vowed for this blog to a be a true testimony to the first year of marriage. I digress often and speak about teaching (which stories from the field fuel many of our late night conversations) and social justice issues (which is also an extension of Christ being alive and whole in us).

And while those are real things happening in our life, it doesn't always touch the heart of what is happening in our life. We have hoped that some day, when we are mentoring married couples, we could point them to the early posts in our blog for insight as to what the first year of marriage is like...

So, here it goes.

I struggle with anxiety and depression. I know I'm not alone, but this is the first time I have had to share this struggle with someone in such an intimate manner. And it is hard to see Micah struggle with my inability to function and think so poorly of myself.

I'm usually OK at work. I see my fuse shortening with the kids sometimes, but-in the end-my job isn't hugely affected by this. Work is typically my place to be free.

But when I get home from work, I let out the dogs and then sit on the couch for hours feeling overwhelmed by the most simple of tasks-walking to the bathroom, doing the dishes, sweeping the floor...and cry.

Then I start to feel worthless because I can't function like a normal human being and stand up to go to the bathroom or spend 15 minutes cleaning dishes. I doubt my abilities and identity in Christ. I feel inadequate.

Typically, these feelings don't start until late November/December, but they started earlier this year. The changes from 10 months ago are astounding and it is understandable to feel so overwhelmed. While I absolutely adore being married, it is a huge life change. It is a huge stressor.

So I have to share these ugly, ugly parts of myself with a man who loves me to pieces. And it breaks his heart to me so broken.

Sometimes the gravity of his love and the brevity of my self-worth collide into this beautiful mess of redemption and purpose to help me better understand what God is doing in our life.

The final part of being honest is something fairly open ended because, you see, I haven't fully comprehended it.

I went to my gynecologist Thursday and she believes I may have had an early term miscarriage. It is only a theory for what is potentially going on with my uterus, but it is a bit jarring none the less. In the past 72 hours I have gone from being unaffected by this news because I didn't even know I was pregnant to feeling guilty for drinking beer/taking anti-depressants and feeling responsible to being annoyed with my doctor for telling me something so casually and back again. I haven't cried and mourned, but I have felt sad.

Luckily it happened on fall break and Micah I have spent most of the weekend in bed relaxing. Which is the best medicine a girl could ask for.

So, anyway, that's where we are...I started taking Paxil 2 weeks ago and it seems to be helping a bit.

I guess all I really have to say is that I'm happy Micah is a strong man who loves me so I don't have to do life alone.

peace.

It's 4:54 AM and I've been up for an hour...

2008-10-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

It's really just a matter of perspective, but it is either very late or very early. I woke up about an hour ago. And fought the alertness I was experiencing, but in the end I decided I could either lie in bed miserably or do a few things while I was unwillingly awake. My hope is that I'll go back to bed in a bit and actually sleep past 6:30.

So, for now, I'm up...and I don't want to make too much of a racket so cleaning is out...

I also happened to not only marry Micah, but all of his stereo equipment. As a musician I have to say, it pretty much rocks to be able to listen to music on an amazing system. Sometimes I struggle with having nice things and this is applies to our stereo as well...but most of the time I am just happy he bought it before me and before he was a Christian.

So, there you have it, one of my dark sides. While I am sad Micah lived without Christ for parts of his life, we both agree that we couldn't justify spending major bucks on stereo equipment at this point in time of our lives.

I have heard several times that most common fights in a marriage surround money and sex. This will be about the the first...

We are currently living in a 912 square foot home I bought when I thought God was calling me into singleness. It was perfect for me. It is not perfect for me, a husband, and his stereo system. My original thought in buying the house was that it would help me continue on the path of living simply and not acquiring too much "stuff." Micah and I keep getting rid of said "stuff." If you go to the Goodwill on Keystone, more than likely you will walk away with something from this house.

We also love to cook. And the kitchen in this house is just bizarre. Plus I'm pretty sure the cabinets are the originals from 1954. I broke a drawer. I don't know how to replace it.

And the basement flooded...with sewage. We lost our entire book library, Micah's cd and dvd collection, and my American Girl doll collection in addition to all but 10 pictures of me from birth until age 20.

This house isn't leaving our possession any time soon.

When we created our initial budget, it looked like we could live off one salary. SCORE! We planned on buying another house and (hopefully) renting this one...but we weren't too concerned since I could afford this house on a single salary and we weren't planning on spending a ton on a new place being that we like living in the 'hood.

But after much speculation and fleshing out of the budget, we have decided that owning two homes is not possible if we desire to pursue the gifts and callings God has given us. (Plus I read that the housing market crash is not totally from people buying homes they can't afford, but it was also added to by all the people who bought and additional home or two because the market was down-with the plans of flipping or renting-and cannot carry the cost of their additional homes...)

So, instead, we are staying here. Doing our best to get rid of stuff. Maintaining the house. Putting in a one way valve in the basement to (hopefully) prevent another sewage strike. Making this kitchen as workable as possible. Creating a lifestyle that utilizes all the items that have been bestowed upon us so that we don't need storage. Or much at least. Which is good because this house has 2 closets. Micah hangs his shirts from the curtain rod in our bedroom.

This gives us freedom! We are not in bondage to mortgages or debt. Instead we are able to pursue the course we believe God has provided...we will be able to front all monies for adoption in a few years, Micah will be able to start his photography business well before we have children, we are able to travel to visit our friends in Turkey, our family in California, and be the hands and feet of Jesus in very tangible ways. We are able to put money towards retirement not to galavant, but to relocate...right now we toy with the idea of starting an orphanage in Africa in retirement. But that is quite a ways away.

Living below our "means" is freeing. It allows God to speak to us, guide us, and point us in the direction of how to distribute the funds He has graciously given to us.

And while we have plans that we believe God has laid, we also understand that-in the end-none of this is ours. It has been given to us so that we may bring Him glory.

peace.

just because I feel like it...

2008-10-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Micah is currently gone. Not a forever kind of gone, but just for a few hours kind of gone. We rarely have these moments without him being at work. So it feels kind of odd to know he isn't at work while I type this. Instead he is off living the dream and taking pictures of a band for upcoming promotional materials. Or something like that. All I know is that my friend Erin is a really stinking great musician. And she loves Jesus. And her music isn't hokey. (At least what I have heard.)

So, I'm home right now. I feel pretty icky on lots of levels. There is the physical level of having some kind of cold or allergies or combination. There is an emotional level of processing the anxiety I have been feeling as of late. And then there is exhaustion which comes from the combining of both.

Micah and I just celebrated our 9 months of being together and today marks 3 months of being married. We were traveling to an Indiana reception for the the Fingers last night with some old college folk when they asked us how we met and such. And right now, I'm procrastinating cleaning the floors and going to Target, so I thought I would just share a bit.

Micah was my first dance ever, and I was his, back in the 7th grade. Good ol' 1994. True to middle school, we didn't talk much afterwards...even though we were both band geeks and involved in all those fun activities together for the next 6 years. In high school, I always noticed his variety in hair color and he always noticed that I talked a ton. He also thought I was super cute. :)

We didn't talk at all after he graduated in 1999.

Last November he "friended" me on facebook. I noticed he was a libertarian, so I made a comment about it. Being excited, he thought I was one as well, but didn't lose hope on me when he discovered that I am strong encourager of the redistribution of wealth and aiding foreign nations.

We saw each other for the first time December 23, 2008. We talked until 6 a.m., went to church the next night, drove around town looking at Christmas lights, and hung out until 4 a.m. We then had a big discussion via online and the phone about our life's expectations, God, finances, and adoption. We discovered we were compatible, hung out for New Year's, started dating and met each other's parents the next day, and then got engaged on February 15th. (It is important to Micah that we didn't get engaged on Valentine's day.)

While it feels like we have known each other our whole life and is so clear that this is ordained by God, we are continuously reminded that we don't know each other completely.

But we are excited to get to know each other in the days to come.

peace.

Autism vs. AIDS

2008-10-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

After a little backstory, you will read a most amazing conversation that happened in my class today.

One of the boys from 103/104 is coming to kindergarten music once a week with room 102. Today I had 102 without J. I asked the kids how having J in class went and if they had any questions. Most of the kids really liked having him there and getting to help him be a great student. Though one child had a question. E asked, "Why does he make faces and noises?" This was what happened after that:

Me: He does that because he has autism.
E: What is autism?
Me: (to the class) When most of you have thoughts you can say them out loud. J has tons of thoughts in his head, but he doesn't know how to share them. Remember how he kept shushing me when I would sing? I think he was trying to tell me that he wanted to listen to the cd, but didn't know how to say it.

(JC raises his hand)
JC: Is autism a disease?
Me: I think it's a disorder...
JC: Oh, never mind, I was thinking of AIDS.

It is the first time I have ever laughed because of AIDS and I'm sure it will probably be the last. But seriously? A 6 year old...

When I told JC's mom what he said, her response was, "No more NPR in the car..."

peace.

PS I am going to go through and change all the kids names in previous posts for privacy reasons. If a child strikes you and you want to pray for that child, let me know and I can pass on the prayer needs...but other than that I need to respect the privacy of others...

Call and Response

2008-09-28T18:45:00.001-07:00

I love documentaries.

I love them because they tell real stories. The human story is one of incredibly ebbs and flows, ups and downs...why do we need to fabricate drama?

Call and Response is a documentary about slavery, told through many people's stories and some amazing music from some amazing musicians. (The full description of the movie through an editor's words are at the bottom of this blog.)

I have been talking with my middle school students recently about what it means to care for the "least of these" and fight for the rights of others. It has been amazing to see them rise and do their best to understand and love people throughout the world with compassion.

I want this movie to come to Indianapolis for lots of reasons. But the biggest, is that I want it to come here so I can take my students and have them not only experience some of the most talented musicians currently in the field, but be educated and empowered. Please take a moment and request it come to Indianapolis. Just send an e mail to info@callandresponse.com

Proverbs 31:8-9 (New International Version)

8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.

9 Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy."

peace.

CALL+RESPONSE is a first of its kind feature documentary film that reveals the world’s 27 million dirtiest secrets: there are more slaves today than ever before in human history. CALL+RESPONSE goes deep undercover where slavery is thriving from the child brothels of Cambodia to the slave brick kilns of rural India to reveal that in 2007, Slave Traders made more money than Google, Nike and Starbucks combined.

Luminaries on the issue such as Cornel West, Madeleine Albright, Daryl Hannah, Julia Ormond, Ashley Judd, Nicholas Kristof, and many other prominent political and cultural figures offer first hand account of this 21st century trade. Performances from Grammy-winning and critically acclaimed artists including Moby, Natasha Bedingfield, Cold War Kids, Matisyahu, Imogen Heap, Talib Kweli, Five For Fighting, Switchfoot, members of Nickel Creek and Tom Petty’s Heartbreakers, Rocco Deluca move this chilling information into inspiration for stopping it.

Music is part of the movement against human slavery. Dr. Cornel West connects the music of the American slave fields to the popular music we listen to today, and offers this connection as a rallying cry for the modern abolitionist movement currently brewing.

kindergarten recess

2008-09-24T15:47:00.001-07:00

If you ever have a chance, I high suggest watching a kindergarten recess. Seriously. And the bigger, the better.

I come home for lunch. It is one of the luxuries of living close to work. I can come home, let out the dogs, and either watch an episode of the Office while I eat my lunch or clean something. The latter really depends on the day/days to come.

I usually return to work during kindergarten recess. I always make sure I walk through recess for 2 reasons:

1) I am only like the most popular person ever at kindergarten recess.

b) It is non-stop entertainment.

It is no secret that my favorite class in the building is 103/104. They are 9 children in kindergarten through 3rd grade with austism. Only one child is verbal. They have recess during kindergarten recess as well.

Today a small group of small children were waiting patiently by the door when I walked through the playground. I watched them as they were anticipating their playmate...and was pleasantly surprised when it happened to be one of the boys from 103/104. I then followed them as they followed him in an amazing game of follow the leader. He was by far the most popular student on the playground.

One of the things I love about my building is how the kids don't bat an eye at students who are considered "exceptional." The students from 103/104 are their friends.

And it is beautiful.

peace.

a little insight

2008-09-17T10:26:00.001-07:00

For the past few months Micah and I have been discussing our social calendar. While we are both trying to be respectful of the other person's desires, we are both being challenged in how we schedule. The next two stories will give you quite a bit of insight into how we are programmed.

Anna, our mother on the Bell side, shared with me a few weekends ago about Micah as a baby. She told me that as soon as Micah was carried out in his stocking (a Christmas baby), she wanted him to be a part of the family. She wasn't worried about Micah being on a strict schedule, but more that she wanted him interacting with his brothers, father, and herself. So she would bring him out on his blanket while his brothers were playing and to the dinner table when the family was eating. She said he would cry and cry and cry during these times. Finally she relented one day and put him in his crib.

Anna said that as soon as Micah was alone in his crib, he stopped crying. This continued to work when Micah would cry, and she soon learned that he was happiest when he was by himself.

Our mother on the Shepherd side, Beth, on the other hand likes to brag that she could leave me anywhere and I would just talk and play. In fact, she is incredibly proud of the fact that she could take me to the Elks club and leave me in my stroller by the bar. I would just talk and smile at people as they would come up to get their drinks.

Come to whatever conclusions you desire, but I hope this was as insightful for you as it is for us.

peace.

Mad Hot Ballroom

2008-09-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

In the state of Indiana, the next two weeks are dedicated to making sure our children are being taught to take standardized tests. Some schools only take one week to take the ISTEP, but as a newly crowned Blue Ribbon School in which 28% of the student body has an identified need, we typically take about 2 weeks to take the test.

My schedule is a mess and the kids who are testing are burnt. When I planned my curriculum, I forgot about ISTEP and have quickly realized that teaching students about the order of the mass probably isn't within their attention spans this week.

To get the kids excited about the Folk Dance Club and appease their tired brains, I have been showing them "Mad Hot Ballroom." It is a fabulous documentary that follows 3 New York City Public Schools as they learn American Standard Ballroom Dancing and have an opportunity to compete in a city-wide competition. The three school are very different from each other and (spoiler alert) the "underdogs" win. :)

I have a delightful group of 12 5th graders (a complete fluke in scheduling, but I'll take it) who are totally excited about the movie. I was catching up some kids who were behind as to what is happening and started talking about what is means to live in poverty. One of the girls got real upset and told me she didn't want to know that some children don't get 3 meals a day. I mentioned to her that lots of kids in our school live in poverty, but that I think it is so cool that most people don't even know this because they love each other like a family. She then got really upset with me because now she knows that some of her friends probably live in poverty.

Sometimes I forget that people don't want to know that there are people in this world that are suffering. Kids that don't have a "free" education and get free breakfasts and lunches.

This breaks my heart. It is when we turn a blind eye to the suffering of others that we begin to forgot how to feel. And what is living without feeling?

peace.

struggle

2008-09-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

I think about the times I have really struggled in my life-the abuse I inflicted on my body as a teenager, the ups and downs of family, and the questions of where my next meal would come from through my early twenties. I am thankful for the refining and faithfulness of God in these moments.

And now, as I sit on my prep and small children go by yelling greetings into my classroom (the latest was a "Hi baby!" from one of my children with autism), I think about being married and what a blessing that truly is. How I never expected to have another person who is committed to being by my side for the rest of his life...how wonderful it is to have the dishes done when he walks in the door from work...and how great it is to have 30 minutes in bed together at the start of each day. I love being married.

But right now, I'm struggling. I'm struggling with decisions I made before I was married. I'm struggling with understanding how to look for the future and be a good steward at the same time. I'm struggling with allotting funds to things that "might" happen while there are needs to be met in my classroom every day. I'm struggling to look like Jesus as a young, well-off, white, American woman.

And it's hard.

But Micah and I are in this together. And we have a common vision. To love the orphans and widows and live as Christ.

Yesterday J was sitting in the hall way across from my classroom. J is a kindergarten child with autism. He can be violent and has the mouth of a sailor at 5. (In fact, one of the boys who is "non-verbal" walked up to me the other day and said, "What the hell you doin'?"...ahh, his first words and he learned them from Jay-Anthony.) I don't see this in J. He has always been perfect for me. But anyway, yesterday, he was sitting in the hall across from my classroom while I lined up room 107. When I walked to the door, he looked at me with a big smile on his face and started to sing, "Line up, line up everybody go to line..."

And those are the moments I cling to in struggle.

peace.

a tale of two tails

2008-09-08T05:45:00.000-07:00

I just want to recount a 10 hour period in the life of Elmer and Inu.

Friday night Micah and I returned home from volunteering at an AWESOME benefit concert to raise money and awareness for Love146 (www.love146.org). I was exhausted so I went to bed while Micah stayed up to work on something. From the bedroom I kept hearing commotion and eventually heard something that sounded like a dog fight.

First, Micah smelled Inu's gas (which is disgusting) and when it didn't go away, realized she had pooped in the kitchen. Which isn't typical. Inu is a big dog with BIG SMELLY poops. Then the dog fight happened.

Normally we pick up Elmer's food when Inu comes in from outside because she tries to eat it. But this time we forgot and Inu didn't notice it right away, but then saw Elmer eating something and decided that-though she wasn't hungry-if Elmer was eating it, then she wanted it too. So a fight ensued.

The dogs were up and at 'em at 5 in the morning, I got up to take care them to find that Inu had chewed her diaper (she is in heat and we are protecting our lively hood) and strewn the little chunks of cotton all over the living room. Also, Elmer had thrown up all over the living room. Micah cleaned up the vomit and I cleaned up the diapers, put the dogs outside, and went back to bed.

We were supposed to get up at 6:30 to go visit our parents in Auburn for the day, but didn't get up until 7:30. We packed all our things, got a new diaper on Inu, and started to load the car. I had Inu on her leash and was carrying something to the trunk when she lept and put herself in the trunk first. (We then closed the trunk to see what she would do, but when we opened it she was licking the inside of the trunk and resting.) Micah got her out of the trunk, then she ran over the neighbor's yard, peed in her diaper, then started flinging herself everywhere in attempt to be clean.

We got the diaper off Inu and Micah went on a quest with her to find a place for her to poop (she is very particular). So I tried loading the trunk again and Elmer jumped into it. Micah came to help and Inu joined Elmer.

Needless to say, we were very excited when we got both dogs in the back seat and could head on up to see our parents.

Love.

PS It was an absolutely wonderful weekend, by the way. We are blessed.

voting

2008-09-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

Last night I was in the car with Micah to get Inu doggy panties (our little girl became a woman) and told him (in jest) that I am going to vote for the socialist candidate in this year's election.

I don't know who the socialist candidate is now-a-days and, in all reality, I probably won't vote for him/her. But I do have to say that it is barely September and I'm tired of everything election.

Not because I don't care...

I am tired of hearing speeches from candidates that skirt around the issues. I am tired of candidates who write legislature that they would not vote for. I am tired of people slamming on each other and the candidates.

Micah and I don't see eye to eye politically at all. And it doesn't really bother us. (Though I do think he is more kind with me than he is with others.)

But, seriously people, if you are going to support someone at least be educated on their platform. What is their history of voting? What do they desire to continue in their presidency? What do they desire to change? Through what measures are they going to make this change?

This is my plea to you...get educated. And stop supporting the candidate of your choice by saying things like, "It's time for a woman/african american to be in the white house!" or "So&so's speech was awesome!" and all the speech writer did was compose 45 minutes of bashing the opposition. Read Blueprint for Change (http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/ObamaBlueprintForChange.pdf) to know Obama's platform. You don't have to agree with it, but at least know what he says...

Or go here:
www.votesmart.org

peace.

PS I didn't find a copy of McCain's platform, but I found this on his website, http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/issues/

Stories from the field...

2008-09-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

At house church last night we watched part of U2's "Rattle and Hum" for worship. It was a beautiful picture where U2 goes to Harlem and sings "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" with a gospel choir. Two very different worlds colliding and having something worshipful come from that union.

Afterwards we talked about having eyes that are open to seeing Jesus in unlikely places. Sometimes I can get so caught up in looking for a symbol of him-be it a fish or cross-that I don't see Him in the every day.

Here is a way I recently saw Jesus in my building:

There is a student I love dearly who has down syndrome, we go way back and love each other lots. He desperately wanted to play basketball with the big boys at recess during the first week of school. This can be tough on a kid who is small, white, and doesn't really look like anyone else but desires to share in an experience with some of the tough kids from the 'hood. But they let him play. After a few minutes, someone even passed him the ball! And that is when something amazing happened: the rest of the kids backed away and let him shoot the ball. Those boys were Jesus to G and every other person who witnessed the event.

A few other funny stories.

My student I sings his answers to me in class. Isaiah is in Kindergarten.

I had to send a note home with a boy for farting on another student.

When I asked a class how old the world is, one student answered "232." If you ask him how old Jesus is, he answers "2008."

Yesterday I was teaching the students about learning "aurally" and talking to them about hearing something and trying to remember it for later. So we were practicing listening and then waiting a few minutes to play what we heard when I realized there were little pods of boys around the room playing their rhythms on the floor so they wouldn't forget them!

Two of the kindergarten boys with autism were holding hands in my class on Tuesday. I also hear that they really love singing and sing a few of our songs at recess all the time OR one of the boys sings "Allison's Camel" when he starts to get anxious to calm himself down. :)

love. carter.

2008-08-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

This is I. She likes to go for walks with her brother T. She also loves to play drums (and does a great job imitating rhythms). She has a sister in first grade and a big sister in Africa. She always wears butterfly earrings, but they never match.

I get to hang out with her on Tuesday afternoons. She brings other little girls from her class with her. We are all trying to get to know each other.

She also has/had leukemia. She still goes in for chemotherapy on Mondays. She is really tired and weak on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. If you think about it, say a prayer for her.

love.

Life is Good

2008-08-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Hello All!

Micah here. It has been almost 2 months since Carter and I were married. It is hard for me to convey how fast it seems like that time has gone. It seems like only yesterday I was watching her walk down the aisle while tears of joy streamed down my face. I'm happy to report that God is continuing to bless our lives and fill us with joy.

Today has been an amazing day. We woke up early to go to church at 9. Worship was great today, the sermon was great, and we got to see our friends the Greiwe's off (they are heading back to Turkey this week). We came back to the house and I worked in the kitchen while Carter took a quick nap. What was I doing you ask?

Making homemade Meatloaf. And Corn on the cob. It was delicious. God in his infinite wisdom decided to put two amazing cooks under the same roof. Last night Carter made home made peach cobbler from scratch. Amazing.

We've been trying to buy all of our produce and food from locally grown sources. The meat came from a farm just outside of Indy. The corn was from a farm in Indiana. The peaches were from Michigan (it was either that or South Carolina). It is amazing how wholesome the food is. I feel refreshed after we get done with a meal, instead of falling into a coma like I do with fast food.

After dinner I mentioned to Carter that we should both cook one Sunday and have a few of our friends over for dinner. If you are interested drop us a line.

So that was the first half of my day. Now for the second half.

I've been blessed professionally in the last few weeks as well. Photography is my passion and tonight I will be on the field as a photographer during the first Colts pre-season game of the year. It also happens to be the first Colts game to be played in Lucas Oil Stadium

Note the emphasis on the word Colts. The first ever game played at LOS was Noblesville vs. Fishers on Friday night. I had an all access pass for that game as well and got quite a few good shots. The game was put together by the Peyback Foundation as a way to raise money for underprivileged youth. It was a very interesting/strange/exciting feeling to be standing 3 feet from Peyton as he casually strolled around the new field. It was an amazing experience and hopefully excellent practice for tonight's game.

Pictures below are from Friday's game. Stay tuned for shots from tonight.

go in peace
micah

Reconciliation

2008-08-15T20:12:00.001-07:00

I was looking through some friend's blogs when I ran across a link for this music video. I'm always on the lookout for "famous" musicians doing good things with their music to share with my students. We have positive music sharing time throughout the first nine weeks.

There was an organization in this video that caught my eye called Homeboy Industries (http://www.homeboy-industries.org/). In the video it was a white man surrounded by a very diverse group of men cheering and flashing various (peaceful) hand gestures.

After researching the organization I learned that a priest, Father Greg, started it to bring reconciliation to rivaling gang members, to educate them and find jobs for them. They even have an attorney on staff who fights for these men!

Father Greg is bringing humanity and compassion to a group of people who know and have experienced very little of it themselves.

It reminded me of being in Uganda in the Music for Life Primary School with former African Childrens Choir members from Uganda and Rwanda. There were children from both the Hutu and Tutsi tribes.

I heard the principal say that it is possible that some of the Hutu children's parents murdered some of the Tutsi children's parents. He mentioned that God was bringing reconciliation between the two tribes in his school. That in Rwanda when Tutsi survivors are united with Hutu rebels who tortured their families and given the opportunity (by the government) to retaliate, the Tutsi people are choosing forgiveness over revenge.

It brings new understanding for me in regards to having peace in my heart.

peace.

Yael Naim - Far Far

2008-08-15T18:15:00.001-07:00

I was introduced to Yael Naim by a good friend on a bike ride...you may have heard her song "New Soul" on 92.3 in Indy. I also hear it is on some apple product video, but we don't have a TV hooked up right now-and haven't for quite some time-so I'm not up to date on those types of things.

Anyway, her self-titled album is a beautifully orchestrated of acoustic instruments mixed with her sweet voice. The songs in Israeli are interesting and hold your attention while the songs in English are melodically interesting, well written, and cleanly recorded.

Micah and I have listened to the album a few times in the past 2 days and both highly recommend it! (Which is something coming from a couple music snobs like us...)

peace.

Kinderchildren

2008-08-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

I get to teach today! I had 4 classes this morning and will have 2 classes this afternoon. On a "normal" Friday I will also have a lunch duty and a 45 minute "special" class. I think it will be a kindergarten instrument class in the fall and folk dancing in the spring. :)

I had the most delightful children today. I just LOVE teaching the kindergarten children. They are so alive and joyful. We sang songs and did the chicken dance. I hear it was a hit, though one girl (who kept interrupting me) told her teacher, "I think I've had about enough of music class for the year." :) AND there was a boy who cried for his brother the whole class.

So, there you go. I had 2 kindergarten classes this morning and two unhappy campers. I'll take that as a successful day.

peace.

back to school, back to school...

2008-08-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

My teaching schedule is still a mystery to me on the 2nd day of teaching. This is not unusual, it is just hard since one of the many reasons I became a teacher is because I love children. And not having my own classes in which to see them makes this difficult.

So today I decided to help in a kindergarten classroom that is without an assistant. It was awesome! I loved getting to spend time with the kids, getting to know them, hear their funny stories (they were on a Grandpas with beards kick this morning), and see their faces light up when they discover something new.

I met a boy who has two siblings in our building that are behavior issues with academic struggles. He was bright and vibrant and fun. He was polite and loved to learn. And he has the most beautiful almost black because they are such a deep brown color of eyes.

I met a little boy with aspbergers who would respond to me if I talked to him. He has glasses and wears a very serious look on his face. He is smart and organized.

And I met a little girl who reminded me what it means to love like Jesus. She is bald from the chemotherapy treatments she receives for leukemia. She is shy to the point where her parents call her a "selective mute." And while I didn't pressure her to talk, I persisted on loving her to a point where she could be comfortable asking for her needs. About 2 hours into the morning she came to me and started telling me about how the doctors put her to sleep so that "it won't hurt."

It just was a wonderful moment to have a little girl going through such devastating circumstances share those with me. So I can be a part of her journey and love her through it. Like Jesus who is loving us through this journey. He will not forsake or leave us.

I love my job for lots of reasons, but mostly I love getting love kids like Jesus loves us.

peace.

Weight Watchers

2008-08-13T08:50:00.001-07:00

Well, it is the first day of school with students and I'm STARVING so I'm about to head to lunch. It has been a whirlwind of activity the last few weeks with getting back into the groove of school and seeing friends. Even though I see Micah in the evenings, I miss him. During the summer I would have lunch with him a few times a week and we could e mail throughout the day. But times, they are a'changin'.

But back to a hungry tummy...I blame it all on Micah. You see, I don't struggle with my appearance in the mirror. Most people see themselves a lot larger than they really are-but I see myself much skinnier than I really am. And as long as my clothes fit, I'm a happy camper. UNLESS I step on to the scale, then I get all frustrated by the numbers flashing at my toes.

So, I have done weight watchers several times and have only been really successful the first time (I lost 30 pounds and kept 20 of it off!). I have tried 2 or 3 times since, but haven't really been successful or completely dedicated to the cause.

Right now, I am on weight watchers. I was on it before the wedding and then just dropped it for a few weeks afterwards for the honeymoon festivities. I decided to start back up 2 weeks ago and found it incredibly difficult to be married and be on weight watchers. When Micah wants a big bowl of ice cream and I get a half cup of the low fat kind, it is a little depressing.

Sunday evening I begged Micah to give me permission to go off weight watchers before going to hang with the girls. He loves the way I look, but knows how down I get on myself about the scale. I was so upset that he wouldn't support my decision to leave the weight watchers lifestyle and left the house frustrated.

When I got back to the house, Micah was entering points into the computer as he explained to me that he joined weight watchers as well. It was simultaneously the nicest and most horrible thing anyone had ever done for me!

So now we are on our 4th day of weight watchers and all is well-even though Micah needs to eat ice cream every night to fill up his points value for the day. I get 24 points a day and he gets 35. The last two nights he has had 24 points left at dinner time. That is the equivalent of 3 servings of ice cream with all the syrups and whip cream your little heart can fathom...I enjoy watching him eat his sundae while I drink my diet soda.

Today I have used 3 points so far and am going to go fill up on 5 more now!

peace.

As We Forgive...

2008-08-07T14:38:00.001-07:00

I heard about this on the Diane Rehm Show on NPR today...anyone want to organize a screening with me?

www.asweforgivemovie.com

I tried to download the trailer, but an error kept appearing...sorry.

peace.

This week...

2008-08-03T17:26:00.001-07:00

This past week was a big one for Micah and me...Micah likes to refer to our stumbles as trifectas because they always seem to come in sets of 3. Like the time I got upset with him for playing garage band instead of calling me or the time I talked to my roommate for a good 5 minutes while he was on the phone and then quoted scripture to him when he was sharing a struggle with me...all understandable stumbles that were magnified by their trifectaness.

It's really a classic story...an extreme extrovert (me) marries a moderate introvert, where is the happy ground in this? How do we balance my desire to see everyone multiple times a week with Micah's need to have quiet time at the house to reenergize?

I don't really know the answer, but we are working our way through it. I have a feeling it is going to be a lot of touch and go and week to week assessment, but I can let everyone know that we worked through it unscathed...yes, some tears were shed, but once we really heard and understood each other's needs...well, we have both had moments that certainly surpassed our initial, "how can I possibly love you more than I do right now?" moments.

The shifting and shaping and growing of love is pretty grande. (British spellings always seem to add gravity to a sentence...)

So, almost a month into it, I can share with everyone that our love has grown immensely and we become more and more excited to live into the life God has planned for us...now if we only had the blueprint...

peace.

our children

2008-08-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have had several conversations recently about what it means to be a mother and who our children really are...Micah and I are blessed to be a part of a community that desires to give the lonely and abandoned a family, a community that seeks to love the "least of these."

We have seen multiple families adopt from places as close as Reilly Hospital or as far as Ethiopia and India. We see their families love them as children of God, as if they have given birth to these children themselves. I even just got done reading our friends' (and marital counselors) blog about their three year pregnancy waiting for baby Grace to come home from China.

And yesterday, I read this:

But being born Israelite in the flesh, Jesus insists, in not of concern. God's people do not grow by having sex and making babies. They grow by the Spirit of God weaving into and renewing identities and hearts, making them beat with love. As with Abraham and Sarah's children, it is the child who is born of miraculous means and God's initiative who carries the blessing.

In addition to these words from Shane Claiborne, comes this footnote:

The people of God are created through a multiethnic gathering, as opposed to mono-ethnic progeny, is evident throughout the Hebrew Scriptures and is not just a New Testament theme. The exodus was more than just the Hebrews but was enjoined by "a mixed crowd."

Reading these thoughts yesterday gave new breath for me what it means to have a family. I am not being so bold as to say that everyone should adopt, but I believe that God has created me to do so since the first time my ability to have children was questioned at age 15.

My interpretation of someone else's interpretation of the Hebrew Scriptures seems to point to the notion that God created us to be a wide collection of people since the beginning, since He scrambled us at Babel. He desires for our dinner tables to be filled with a rainbow of people and for us to love each as He loves them.

Children without parents are born of miraculous means. A child born in Africa without proper health care, is born of miraculous means. Children who survive the birthing process and are sent to orphanages are born of miraculous means. And those who get to be their parents receive miraculous gifts.

peace.

Just to brag a little

2008-07-28T07:39:00.001-07:00

Micah's photography has been published!

You can read the whole story here:

http://www.ncaachampionmagazine.org/Championship%20Magazine/ChampionMagazineStory/Articles0708/tabid/84/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/164/Default.aspx